Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Shaggy Hygiene

Category: Rated G

I received this from Alyn George [ageorge@baan.nl]. Very nice, and thanks.


Little Amy came home from school one Wednesday afternoon with a note from her teacher:

“Amy’s a little distraught as we discovered an outbreak of nits in the school and had to call in the local clinic to treat the children. Please, understand that Amy hasn’t been singled out, all the children underwent the same procedure – we had to nip this in the bud.”

The following morning, Amy was brought home by the school principal and they found Amy’s mother busily baking in the kitchen. Apparently all the children had been subjected to a scalp examination upon entering the school, and Amy had been the only one not to pass muster. There were no pets in the household, and Amy was not allowed to play outside unsupervised, so could not have acquired the condition from any garden animal. After a thorough search, the Principal discovered in Amy’s toy box two teddy-bears infested with nits. Satisfied that he had solved the case, he informed Amy’s mother, who assured him that the problem would be addressed, but not today, as Thursday is Baking Day.

Friday, and Amy is brought home by the local Health Officer to find the teddy-bears still in their sorry state, and the mother washing clothes. Mother is aware of the situation and assures her that the problem would be addressed, but not today, as Friday is Washing Day.

On Sunday, Amy’s teacher arrives after church to ascertain in what condition the child will arrive at school the following morning. Nothing has changed and the mother refuses to rectify the situation as it is Sunday, the Lord’s day. When (rather peevishly, by the teacher) asked why it hadn’t been done yesterday, the mother informed her that Saturday was House-Repair day, and the teddy-bears’ condition would be corrected on Pedantic day, which is Tuesday.

“Pedantic day?” inquires teacher.

“Yes, Tuesday’s the day the Teddy Bears have their nits picked”

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