Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Shaggy Dachshund

Category: Rated G

This was posted by Grieg Olson. It can be found on several pages on the internet.


The great German actress Zelda had done everything but for one thing; she’d never won an Academy Award. She was known for being terribly temperamental and choosy about her parts, but was also known to soften for the promise of the elusive award.

One day she was called by the great director, Meyer Schmidt, and asked to review a new script he had. She read the script and immediately rejected it. “Iss Nicht my type of script, Meyer, and I’ll not do it.”

“But Honeykins,” he cried, “It’s a wonderful script.”

“I didn’t say it vasn’t vunderful or goot, but I’ll not do it.”

“But Sweetiekins,” Meyer continued, “with my direction and your acting and name, it will make us millions.”

“More geldt I don’t need. Ich do nicht like the script.”

“But, Darling, don’t you see? With my connections, I can almost guarantee you an Academy Award with a good performance.”

Zelda thought a moment then agreed, saying, “Oh, I’d luff to be an Oscar veener, Meyer!”

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