Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Shaggy Cobbler’s Tale

Category: Rated G

This was written by Rusty the bookman [bookman@lvnworth.com]. Thanks, Rusty.


Once upon a time…

It once came to pass that the Prince of Monocle wanted a new pair of shoes. Fashion-conscious, and not wanting to be shoddily shod, he hired the world’s best shoemaker, Lacey D. Aglet. He took her to lunch, finishing the meal with a peach dessert.

Over the cobbler, he told the Cobbler of his footgear requirements. As the detailed list of details grew, Ms. Aglet listed slightly in her chair as she listed the special specifications.

Lacey suggested to the Prince that a ruffle around the top might be appropriate for the ornate footwear, but he declined, saying that he definitely wanted his shoes to be un-laced.

Ms. Aglet was certain that the Prince was hooked, and trebled her fee. He agreed, and offered a bonus, then left as he had other fish to fry.

Lacey knew that her current assortment of tools were not up to the task, so she contracted out for new, custom implements.

All the needles were easily obtained from Arizona, she found a source for threads on the UseNet, and so forth (but her taste in leather shan’t be discussed here).

Last, but not least, she contracted with her old friends; Elvis Olds, Elvis Young, and Elvis Citing to build the form for her.

The shoemaker’s Elvises were unable to tolerate the bright lights of Paris, and so had relocated to a seaport in southern France as a last resort.

As they labored, Lacey arranged a wide range of the other things, such as the feet of string and the feet of leather which would go into the shoes (a large pair of figures). She told the Prince that two weeks after the form was finished, she would present him with his new shoes.

The entire Footwear Fashion world waited with bated breath, their sharp comments unblunted in the fashion of fashionable Fashion Gurus.

After weeks of waiting, the news finally arrived from southern France:

Nice Guys Finish Last!

Her new form was lovely, and admired by men everywhere, which figures…

Thus the Prince was shod, and they all lived happily ever after.

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