Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


A Seasonal Feghoot

Category: Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

Mike Franklin sent in this little adventure of our friend Ferdinand Feghoot.


On a December trip to Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, Ferdinand Feghoot was summoned to the local college, Wossamotta U. by Inspector Fenwick, the Chief of Police. There he was confronted with an appalling scene. Bullwinkle, the town’s leading citizen, had been smashed flatter than a kippered herring by a falling safe.

“It’s a common enough means of death for cartoon characters,” Fenwick opined. “Every year we lose five or six citizens to falling safes. But this time it was no accident. This time, it’s murder!”

He showed Feghoot the ingenious deadfall trap rigged to rain financial ruin on an unsuspecting victim. Bullwinkle’s antlers were still entangled in the tripwire. Grasped tightly in one hand was a small statue of a Hindu god.

The dead quadruped’s best friend, Rocky the flying squirrel, had been with Bullwinkle at the time of his death, but when questioned by Feghoot the distraught rodent said all he could remember was seeing a rabbi fleeing the scene upon, of all things, a pogo stick. Fenwick immediately issued an APB for the rabbi.

“You’re wasting your time, Fenwick,” said Feghoot grimly, as he stood from his examination of the body.” “The rabbi has been framed. When you find him, he will tell you of some elaborate ruse that induced him to be on a pogo stick at this time and this place.”

“How do you know that, Feghoot?” asked the Inspector.

“This is the work of the Christmas Killer,” Feghoot declared. “I have been on the trail of this fiend for years, and I fear we might never catch him. Every December he arranges one of these grisly messages. Look! Didn’t you notice the smile on the victim’s face? The corners of his mouth have been propped up … by these!” He displayed two toothpicks he had taken from Bullwinkle’s mouth.

“I still don’t see how you know the murderer is the Christmas Killer,” said Fenwick.

“Isn’t it obvious!” Feghoot asked. “Wee Vishnu, a merry crushed moose, and a hoppy Jew near.”

« Previous post

One ResponseLeave one →

  1. Adlai Armundsen

     /  October 5, 2016

    I have a stuffed Chris Moose who is very Merry!

Leave a Reply