Quoth Firesong in alt.callahans:

Can anyone else make a decent sentence using either the word ‘Alkali’ or the word ‘Litmus’, ‘cos I can’t.?

Respondeth Kevahearn:

Well, no. But your query brings to mind the story of an aged sailor I once knew. It seems that his mother was, well, not one of the finest examples of humanity ever known. For one thing, she was a hopeless alcoholic who spent every night in endless bar crawls. She rarely paid her bar tabs, and relied on an endless series of completely false sob stories to keep the local bartenders from banning her from their establishments. One night, at one of her favorite haunts, a drinking buddy of hers offered her some LSD. She never remembered exactly what happened that night, but nine months later, my old friend the sailor was born.

Just goes to show you:

Combining acid with an alky liar produces an old salt.