Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Russian to Judgment

Category: Rated G

This is an original groaner by Gary Hallock who does these things too infrequently.


The new Russian president, Vladimir Putin, was moving into his new office and being briefed by his secretary on all the modern conveniences that had been added during the remodeling.

“We’ve removed the mini-bar that Boris installed and replaced it with a kitchenette with a microwave. We have also upgraded to the latest in computers and high tech communications equipment so you’ll always be up to speed on world affairs. Behind this panel you have satellite tracking equipment and a live video monitor showing what’s happening on MIR space station. We also have this large bank of telephones with hot line connections to all the major world leaders. All you have to do is pick up the receiver and dial in the number to …”

“Dial?” Putin interrupted “With all of this advanced technology why are we still using these clunky old rotary phones in the Kremlin? I would have thought that we could get something a bit more modern than this!”

“Well, all the rest of your staff does have touch-tone phones but Boris told us to take all of yours out and replace them with the old rotary models. He said his successor would prefer the old fashioned kind. Aren’t you Vlad? You use dial.”


In response, Ms. Scarlette asked:

Doesn’t the Scottish version have something to do with being plaid?

You know, the Scottish physician who performed an unusual laminectomy on the Highlander, then went to the international medical convention, where all the attendees wore clothing reflecting their nationality or country of origin. Another orthopedic surgeon wished to discuss the unusual back surgery . He went in search of the Scotsman. When he found the kilted doctor, he asked, “Aren’t you plaid? You fused Kyle.”

« Previous post
Next post »

Leave a Reply