Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Rolling Stone

Category: Rated G

This gentle story is by Stan Kegel.


It would be the concert of the decade. And for such a worthy cause. The orphanage where several of the greatest of the rock stars had been raised had deteriorated to such an extreme, that it was about to be condemned and the residents scattered to other institutions around the country.

Elton John had decided he would not allow that to happen and had obtained promises from his friends, some of the greatest names in the industry, to agree to participate. The concert would be held on the grounds of the orphanage. Enough funds would be raised to totally refurnish the institution.

But the grounds where the concert would be held was in as bad a disarray as the building itself. Paint was pealing off the outer walls of the building. The grass was eight inches high. The rose gardens were primarily weeds, the swimming pool was covered with a lichen-like plant. and the walks were cracked.

The group agreed that they would not only participate in the concert, but that each of the rock stars would do his part to rejuvenate the grounds. They would do it all themselves without outside help.

And if you had visited the orphanage on that week before the concert, you would have seen an amazing sight — Paul McCartney and Sting painting the building, David Lee Roth cutting the lawn, David Bowie and Roger Daltry pulling out weeds, Bruce Springstein and David Crosby repaving the walks.

As the day of the concert approached, the participants took a tour around the grounds. Everything looked great. Until they reached the swimming pool which was still covered with the thick green growth.

John checked his roster to see who was supposed to clean the pool, and found him sitting at the side of the pool staring out into space. It was Mick Jagger, and he had not done the job he had been assigned.

John approached Jagger to ask what had happened, and received the solemn answer almost in tears.

“You should have known, I couldn’t do it,” Mick replied, “A Rolling Stone gathers no moss.”

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