Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Roast for Joel McColl

Category: Gatling Puns, Politically Incorrect, Rated PG-13

By Alan B. Combs, May 2007


Joel McColl, the Punster of the Year (P.O.T.Y.) for 2006-2007, just retired from being the MC for the Annual O. Henry PunOff, after a couple of decades of service. I have had little interaction with Joel — but, I know he’s a musician, he sells Hondas, and he is a genuinely smart and nice guy.

This makes it hard to roast him with any sincerity or any authority, but, as is the case with the bull elephant in the rutting season, we do what we must.

Early on, Joel went to work with the Gideons — handing out comic books. They fired him because he was on the wrong tract.

Later, Joel tried to get a job as a spokesman for the La Leche League, but he just couldn’t express himself properly.

The world is changing so fast, and it’s so hard to keep up. Don Imus has taught us that when we are tired, we really don’t want to take a knapp. And poor Santa. He has to be careful with his, “Ho, ho, ho!”

A brightly colored bug floating on a great big dollop of saliva? Could we call him phlegm-boyant. In Flanders, they refer to that bug as phlegmish (thanks to Jim Ryan for this one).

As many people know, I am a Mac Computer enthusiast. Apple computer makes the iPod, the iMac, iTunes, the iPhone, and the iTV. They have been very careful to not make any of their products ugly — there are no iSores at Apple.

Apple has been in the forefront of teaching us what we need before we knew we need it. I want you to know they’ve just done it again.

They have created a tiny, capsular MP3 player intended to be used as a breast implant.

It costs between $200 to $700 dollars — depending on the size.

What do they call it? They call it the iBoob, of course.

Apple Marketing feels women will love it. They are sick and tired of men just staring at their breasts and not listening to them (this pun has beenbouncing around the internet, so to speak).

I thank Joel for all the service he has given to the O. Henry Museum and the cause of punning through all these years. We wish him the best, and all contestants express the sincere wish that he not start competing in the PunOff, himself, again.

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