Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Roady

Category: alt.callahans, Rated PG-13

This is another *old* one that cycles in an out in various incarnations. Time to add it to the collection. I first learned it from Carl Erickson. A different version was recently posted by IMNigma on alt.callahans.


Tornado Alley! Parts of North Texas, moving through Oklahoma, and into Kansas. The twisters will blow and cause large amounts of damage. As it happens, a particularly large cyclone picked up the contents of a fish pond and some houses, and carried them all away. Also as it happens, one of the creatures that was carried away was a common pond toad. He flew through the air for several hours, a trip which only came to an end when he fell, plop, into a gallon of yellow paint.

The toad crawled out and tried to clean himself up. The paint all came off except for that on his private parts, and that seemed to be a permanent addition. Disaster! The paint would lead to the demise of the love life of any self-respecting toad, so it had to come off.

Seeking help, he turned to a local witch, Glinda the Good. By now, you know we are in the Land of Oz, of course, and Glinda indicated that the toad must travel to see the Wizard, since only one so powerful could be expected to help. Glinda gave very explicit, detailed directions to the toad, and away he hopped to find the Wizard.

Immediately thereafter, a little girl and her dog came to see Glinda. They wanted to go home back to Kansas. Immediately afterward came a scarecrow seeking adequate cerebral function, a lion seeking intestinal fortitude, and a metallic man wanting a cardiovascular system. The nearest thing to the needed travel agent and transplant physician was the Wizard, of course.

By now, Glinda was becoming exasperated with all the unexpected traffic and questions. Instead of giving individual directions, she instructed all the people who came to question her in these words that soon became world famous, “Follow the yellow-dick toad!”

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