Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Ride the Tilt-a-World

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This is by Ming Ka-Lin (Magus Firecow). It was posted on alt.callahans.


Magus Firecow looks up from the manuscript that has been holding his attention. “Hey everybody, I’ve just finished reading this, it’s proof of life on Mars. The Sojourner mission (the real one, not the faked pictures they keep showing everybody) has found a copy of an old Martian play. Here’s a synopsis. A man from Mars decides to visit the shroud covered planet of Venus, of which almost nothing is known. He builds a spaceship and flies it to the second planet. Unfortunately, while going through the thick cloud cover, he loses control of his ship and crashes. He makes his way out of the wreck and finds his way to a Venuvian city. While there he encounters a Venuvian who offers to help fix the crashed spaceship provided the man from Mars leaves as soon as the repairs are done. It seems that this Venuvian really doesn’t like Mars or its people, and wants all things Martian off of the planet. While repairing the ship, the Martian falls in love with one of the local Venuvian girls, and decides to stay on Venus, but the cranky Venuvian points out that the Martian must leave. The crisis occurs when it’s revealed that according to Venuvian law, the Martian trying to renege on the contract is a capital offense. Fortunately, the Venuvian girl is a brilliant lawyer, and in a classic courtroom scene, using her wits and guile, manages to save the life of the man from Mars.”

After an awkward silence, one of the patrons calls out “That story sure sounds familiar. What’s it called?”

For a brief instant, a smirk passes Magus Firecow’s face, before he answers “The Martian of Venus.”

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