The Annual Bulwer-Lytton (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/) writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story. This is David M. Knipe’s entry.

Ram was what his buddies always called him, since he had an eye for the ladies far and wide, always finding the grass greener on the other side of the desert, although today his good ship Lady Luck appeared to have run aground as he found himself stuck fast in a thicket, distracted first by the amazing scene of a bearded old man about to stick a knife into a little boy, then by a cloying celestial voice that boomed, almost shattering his left eardrum, “Abraham, spare your son and take Ram, instead!”