Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Puns On The Animal Kingdom

Category: P.U.N.Y. listserv, Pun Cascade, Puns, Rated PG-13

This is a recent series of puns on the PUNY listserv.


What’s a large animal that, when it walks back and forth, back and forth, and makes you very sleepy to look at it?
A hypnopotamus!

Cyn (MacGregor)
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What greeting in a nudest camp makes you think of an animal?
A Buff Hello

Stan (Kegel)
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Q: What does the father Buff Hello say when he drops his kid off at school in the morning?
A: “Bye, Son”

Gary Hallock
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What large aquatic bird always has a broad smile?
A pengrin

Cyn

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What animal has one or two humps and is sweet and chewy?
A carmel

Cyn

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When two of them are Falcon are they a pair o’ grins?

Gary Hallock

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What’s an extra bird?
A sparecrow

Cyn

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What do you call a large animal that wlways thinks he is sick?
A hippochondriac.

Stan
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Some have sugar and some have nun. The carmel-lites

Gary Hallock
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What’s a symphonic bird?
A b-flat mynah

Cyn
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What animal never becomes an adult?
A Mynah

Stan
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What animal wears a cravat?
A tieger

Cyn
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A sparecrow could also be an extra bird but if you clone a certain horse you might get a dapple ganger.

Gary Hallock
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What’s an oceangoing striped animal?
A seabra

Cyn
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What animal locks up the premises at a monastary every evening?
A Monk key

Stan
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Q: What kind of bird might accidentally ingest a stork?
A: A chimney swallow

Gary Hallock
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What animal might you serve dinner on?
A platterpus

Cyn
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Q: What do you call a hot-headed crocodile who is quick to start a fight?
A: An Insta-gator

Gary Hallock
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What bird volunteers at schools for the handicapped?
A Heron Aide

Stan
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Q: What kind of bird is good at track and field events?
A: A pole vulture

Gary Hallock
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With what animal might a woman pleasure herself?
An armadildo

Cyn
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What animal was shunned, but cured in the Bible?
A leperd

Cyn
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Q: What do you get if you cross a red headed bird with a wild pig?
A: A wood peckary

Gary Hallock
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What do you call Gary’s crocodile if he likes to stir up trouble between other crocodiles?
An Aggi-gator

Stan
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What animal eats ants in the grass around your house?
A yaardvark*

*I named my late dog Yardvark because she went out in the yard and went, “Vark, vark, vark.” True!

Cyn
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What animal can you find working on every movie films made in Hollywood?
The Gopher

Stan
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What animal prolongs its pronunciation of words like yarrrd, and
rrrroverrrr?
The R-stretch.

What animal takes only a little sugar with its tea?
The Heffalump

What animal hoards large amounts of soap?
The Crock o’ Dial.

What animal drains spaces between buildings?
The Alley Grater

Aloha, Lars (Hanson)
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What kind of telephone do alligators use?
A crock-a-dial

Stan
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What animal has a large barrel of bathroom wall and floor coverings?
The crock o’ tile.

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What English university should remind you of the favorite car of bovines?
Ox-Ford

Stan
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What animal answers the door nude?
A Buff-Allo

Lars
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In professional sports, where are you most likely to find birds?
In the mynah leagues

Stan
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What animal comes to the front door with an odd smile?
The Wry-knockerus

What animal wears a transparent suspension device?
The See-bra

What animal no longer slices through the water as sharply as before?
The Dull-fin

What animal simply lolls about?
The Lie-in

What animal wears an angry neckpiece?
The Tie-grrrrrr

What animal eternally questions?
The Ask-a-lotl

Lars
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What do you call a gay king of the beasts?
A Dandy Lion

Stan

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Why should you never play poker with the fastest animal on four feet?
Because they cheetah ‘t cards

(I’m serious about this part: I returned a few minutes ago from a fundraiser by Austin’s premier pipe and drum band, the Silver Thistle Pipes and Drums.)

What shorebird makes lots of money by playing Scottish tunes at weddings in Jamaica, Florida, the Bahamas, etc.?
the sandpiper

Charles (Wukash)
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One has to admire the sandpiper because they have lots of grit. Unlike their
cousins, the emory birds.

Gary Hallock
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There was a nationwide search for the lost feline because he was important in evolutionary studies. He was the … What?
The Missing Linx

Stan
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Q: What extinct animal wore disguises?
A: The maskodon

Q: How do chicken farmers stay warm in the winter
A: They dress in layers

Q: What animal is probably a Moslem?
A: The mosque ox

Q: What snakes are best for cleaning your windshield?
A: Vipers

Q: Why didn’t Jim Ertner participate in this thread of animal puns?
A: He has menagerie duty this week

Gary Hallock
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What bird is famous for its diatribes?
The cormorant

Cyn
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I was actually with two other people, so it was a menagerie a trois.

Jim (Ertner)
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I had not herd that. Unless you’re lion, you probably take lots of pride in
that.

Gary Hallock

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What do you call a bear who has severe mood chamges?
A Bipolar Bear

Stan

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I knew there would be more animal puns bruin on PUNY today. Wonder how much more the market will bear?

Gary Hallock

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How many more jokes of this elk can we think of?

Cyn

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If Jim were around, it would really open Panda-ra’s Box.

Stan

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This thread is holding up pretty well–a day later and the animal jokes are
still amooseing

Cyn

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Indeed, Cyn! It has yet to tapir off.

What primate loves flowers?
Jim pansy.

What did the primate who is an Asian houseboy say?
You rang, O Chan?

What animal puts the squeeze on others?
An aconda.

What animal makes tunnels?
A bore constructor

What animal uses feathers as a garotte?
A boa constrictor

What animal slithers away in fear?
A rattled snake.

What lizard inhabits loos?
A commode dragon.

What animal wraps itself around calves?
A garter snake.

What lizard is black-and-white striped?
A skunk skink.

What are the worst rumors in the animal world?
Squirrelous ones.

What bird throws tantrums?
A ravin’.

What animal family was famously found in Egypt?
A heap o’ Ptolemies

And the youngest animal is?
Gnu.

What animal took religious vows of poverty?
The cheap monk.

Aloha,

Lars
==============

What strange bird can’t spell?
Damn Quail

Doug Spector

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Nix on that!

What is the favorite soft drink in Aussie zoos?
Coca-Koala

Stan

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What animal do you look for when you run out of pumpernickel?
A ryenocerous.

Cyn

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What male bird has a pair of penises ?
Cockatwo

Doug Spector

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What do you call a fowl ghost?
A poutrygeist.

Stan

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What animal does Count Dracula’s wife have growing in her belly after he impregnates her?
Wombat

Doug Spector

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Are you sure it’s his wife. From everything I’ve read he’s still a
bat-chelor.

Stan
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What do you call a male vampire duck?
Drakeula

Cyn
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What fish plays guitar? A Bass

Doug S.

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Would a Gekho and a Chameleon on a trampoline be Leaping Lizards?

Stan

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I’m not iguana follow up on that one because I have a reptile dysfunction. Besides, that’s anole one.

Gary Hallock

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What role is given the Grizzly in a Barber Shop Quartet?
The Bear-a-tone.

Stan

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There are several PUNY players who haven’t been heard from. Did we
ostrichcize them from the group or something?

Cyn

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Did you hear about the camper who unwisely spent the night in the wilds of
British Columbia? He met a grisly death.

Charles

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Young cattle have to eat in the Calfeteria.

Stan

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If this entire country ceased the eating of veal, would we become a
de-calf nation?

Gary Hallock

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You can tell ducks and geese are unhappy birds as they frequently get down
in the mouth.

Stan

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Skunks emit a nesty fowl odor that isn’t pheasant.

Doug S.
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Bedouins travelling in the Middle East are difficult to spot because of camelflage.

Stan

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Skunks really can’t help smelling bad. It’s therein, stink.

Gary Hallock
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When a snake acts foolish, he makes an asp out of himself.

Stan

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Why is the camel called the “ship of the desert”?
It’s full of Arab seamen.

Charles
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That really skinks, Charles! Speaking of reptile dysfunctions, you are one a sneaky adder anaconda what you wrote.  I can’t understand why you would fail to label this thread as “adulterated” when you obviously newt was.

Gary Hallock

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Be careful if you visit Sea World. You could lose your shirt to one of the pool sharks there.

Stan

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