This is a recent series of puns on the PUNY listserv.
What’s a large animal that, when it walks back and forth, back and forth, and makes you very sleepy to look at it?
A hypnopotamus!
Cyn (MacGregor)
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What greeting in a nudest camp makes you think of an animal?
A Buff Hello
Stan (Kegel)
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Q: What does the father Buff Hello say when he drops his kid off at school in the morning?
A: “Bye, Son”
Gary Hallock
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What large aquatic bird always has a broad smile?
A pengrin
Cyn
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What animal has one or two humps and is sweet and chewy?
A carmel
Cyn
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When two of them are Falcon are they a pair o’ grins?
Gary Hallock
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What’s an extra bird?
A sparecrow
Cyn
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What do you call a large animal that wlways thinks he is sick?
A hippochondriac.
Stan
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Some have sugar and some have nun. The carmel-lites
Gary Hallock
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What’s a symphonic bird?
A b-flat mynah
Cyn
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What animal never becomes an adult?
A Mynah
Stan
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What animal wears a cravat?
A tieger
Cyn
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A sparecrow could also be an extra bird but if you clone a certain horse you might get a dapple ganger.
Gary Hallock
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What’s an oceangoing striped animal?
A seabra
Cyn
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What animal locks up the premises at a monastary every evening?
A Monk key
Stan
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Q: What kind of bird might accidentally ingest a stork?
A: A chimney swallow
Gary Hallock
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What animal might you serve dinner on?
A platterpus
Cyn
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Q: What do you call a hot-headed crocodile who is quick to start a fight?
A: An Insta-gator
Gary Hallock
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What bird volunteers at schools for the handicapped?
A Heron Aide
Stan
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Q: What kind of bird is good at track and field events?
A: A pole vulture
Gary Hallock
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With what animal might a woman pleasure herself?
An armadildo
Cyn
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What animal was shunned, but cured in the Bible?
A leperd
Cyn
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Q: What do you get if you cross a red headed bird with a wild pig?
A: A wood peckary
Gary Hallock
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What do you call Gary’s crocodile if he likes to stir up trouble between other crocodiles?
An Aggi-gator
Stan
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What animal eats ants in the grass around your house?
A yaardvark*
*I named my late dog Yardvark because she went out in the yard and went, “Vark, vark, vark.” True!
Cyn
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What animal can you find working on every movie films made in Hollywood?
The Gopher
Stan
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What animal prolongs its pronunciation of words like yarrrd, and
rrrroverrrr?
The R-stretch.
What animal takes only a little sugar with its tea?
The Heffalump
What animal hoards large amounts of soap?
The Crock o’ Dial.
What animal drains spaces between buildings?
The Alley Grater
Aloha, Lars (Hanson)
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What kind of telephone do alligators use?
A crock-a-dial
Stan
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What animal has a large barrel of bathroom wall and floor coverings?
The crock o’ tile.
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What English university should remind you of the favorite car of bovines?
Ox-Ford
Stan
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What animal answers the door nude?
A Buff-Allo
Lars
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In professional sports, where are you most likely to find birds?
In the mynah leagues
Stan
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What animal comes to the front door with an odd smile?
The Wry-knockerus
What animal wears a transparent suspension device?
The See-bra
What animal no longer slices through the water as sharply as before?
The Dull-fin
What animal simply lolls about?
The Lie-in
What animal wears an angry neckpiece?
The Tie-grrrrrr
What animal eternally questions?
The Ask-a-lotl
Lars
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What do you call a gay king of the beasts?
A Dandy Lion
Stan
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Why should you never play poker with the fastest animal on four feet?
Because they cheetah ‘t cards
(I’m serious about this part: I returned a few minutes ago from a fundraiser by Austin’s premier pipe and drum band, the Silver Thistle Pipes and Drums.)
What shorebird makes lots of money by playing Scottish tunes at weddings in Jamaica, Florida, the Bahamas, etc.?
the sandpiper
Charles (Wukash)
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One has to admire the sandpiper because they have lots of grit. Unlike their
cousins, the emory birds.
Gary Hallock
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There was a nationwide search for the lost feline because he was important in evolutionary studies. He was the … What?
The Missing Linx
Stan
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Q: What extinct animal wore disguises?
A: The maskodon
Q: How do chicken farmers stay warm in the winter
A: They dress in layers
Q: What animal is probably a Moslem?
A: The mosque ox
Q: What snakes are best for cleaning your windshield?
A: Vipers
Q: Why didn’t Jim Ertner participate in this thread of animal puns?
A: He has menagerie duty this week
Gary Hallock
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What bird is famous for its diatribes?
The cormorant
Cyn
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I was actually with two other people, so it was a menagerie a trois.
Jim (Ertner)
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I had not herd that. Unless you’re lion, you probably take lots of pride in
that.
Gary Hallock
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What do you call a bear who has severe mood chamges?
A Bipolar Bear
Stan
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I knew there would be more animal puns bruin on PUNY today. Wonder how much more the market will bear?
Gary Hallock
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How many more jokes of this elk can we think of?
Cyn
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If Jim were around, it would really open Panda-ra’s Box.
Stan
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This thread is holding up pretty well–a day later and the animal jokes are
still amooseing
Cyn
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Indeed, Cyn! It has yet to tapir off.
What primate loves flowers?
Jim pansy.
What did the primate who is an Asian houseboy say?
You rang, O Chan?
What animal puts the squeeze on others?
An aconda.
What animal makes tunnels?
A bore constructor
What animal uses feathers as a garotte?
A boa constrictor
What animal slithers away in fear?
A rattled snake.
What lizard inhabits loos?
A commode dragon.
What animal wraps itself around calves?
A garter snake.
What lizard is black-and-white striped?
A skunk skink.
What are the worst rumors in the animal world?
Squirrelous ones.
What bird throws tantrums?
A ravin’.
What animal family was famously found in Egypt?
A heap o’ Ptolemies
And the youngest animal is?
Gnu.
What animal took religious vows of poverty?
The cheap monk.
Aloha,
Lars
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What strange bird can’t spell?
Damn Quail
Doug Spector
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Nix on that!
What is the favorite soft drink in Aussie zoos?
Coca-Koala
Stan
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What animal do you look for when you run out of pumpernickel?
A ryenocerous.
Cyn
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What male bird has a pair of penises ?
Cockatwo
Doug Spector
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What do you call a fowl ghost?
A poutrygeist.
Stan
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What animal does Count Dracula’s wife have growing in her belly after he impregnates her?
Wombat
Doug Spector
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Are you sure it’s his wife. From everything I’ve read he’s still a
bat-chelor.
Stan
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What do you call a male vampire duck?
Drakeula
Cyn
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What fish plays guitar? A Bass
Doug S.
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Would a Gekho and a Chameleon on a trampoline be Leaping Lizards?
Stan
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I’m not iguana follow up on that one because I have a reptile dysfunction. Besides, that’s anole one.
Gary Hallock
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What role is given the Grizzly in a Barber Shop Quartet?
The Bear-a-tone.
Stan
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There are several PUNY players who haven’t been heard from. Did we
ostrichcize them from the group or something?
Cyn
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Did you hear about the camper who unwisely spent the night in the wilds of
British Columbia? He met a grisly death.
Charles
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Young cattle have to eat in the Calfeteria.
Stan
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If this entire country ceased the eating of veal, would we become a
de-calf nation?
Gary Hallock
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You can tell ducks and geese are unhappy birds as they frequently get down
in the mouth.
Stan
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Skunks emit a nesty fowl odor that isn’t pheasant.
Doug S.
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Bedouins travelling in the Middle East are difficult to spot because of camelflage.
Stan
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Skunks really can’t help smelling bad. It’s therein, stink.
Gary Hallock
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When a snake acts foolish, he makes an asp out of himself.
Stan
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Why is the camel called the “ship of the desert”?
It’s full of Arab seamen.
Charles
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That really skinks, Charles! Speaking of reptile dysfunctions, you are one a sneaky adder anaconda what you wrote. I can’t understand why you would fail to label this thread as “adulterated” when you obviously newt was.
Gary Hallock
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Be careful if you visit Sea World. You could lose your shirt to one of the pool sharks there.
Stan