This is a very recent pun cascade started by Liquor on alt.callahans.

Liquor wanders in. He’s been seeing a lot of Mark Allread for quite a while now but can’t resist a chance to tell pungent tales again.

“I suppose I should start by describing Mark. This is a man who’s never worn shorts in his life, because he is abslotely certain that his knees are the knobbliest things ever, and that people would run in disgust if he were ever to expose them. Now the fact that he was wrong about this is completely irrelevant to the fact that, due to lack of confidence, he tended to prefer the company of, shall we say, professionals (or ‘artists’), to indulge in the nude sports with?

“Well, he was in one of the local Chinatown bars the other night, and saw a couple of professional ladies that he had had dealings with before, but they were talking to each other, and no amount of arm waving, or calling ‘Hey!’ from the bar could get their attention.

“‘You try get girls listen?’ the friendly barkeep asked.

“Mark nodded.

“‘Plug ears, then’ the barkeep told him, and reached under the counter, emerging with a soft hammer that he used to strike – HARD – the gong that was hanging over the array of bottles at the bar. The result was as could be expected – loud.

“Of course, this got the ladies attention. “Oi, what’s all that about?” one of them yelled at the barkeep, but then they saw Mark there, and they were quite prepared to exchange attention and other things with him.

“Which just goes to show, you might have to wait a while for the stroke, but –

Gong ‘Hey’ fetch ‘Oi’, the ear of the whores – the shy knees nude ear.”

Alan Combs responded:

“It is so good to seen Liquor active, again. In the time-honored mode of reply to such tales, I do want to take the occasion to tell how the story really happened.

“My sister’s daughter is living with us for a season. She is highly independent and something of an exercise maven. The other day, however, the derailleur on her bicycle broke, but she was very reluctant to ask for help. I saw the situation with her bicycle and went shopping for the parts. I bought the gear at a bourse, the shy niece new gear.”

And Liquor replied that this is the type of joke one can use only every dozen years or so, and said:

“It’s sort of like you need new leg protecting garments because you got behind a horse that kicked. They help –

“Shin ease new wear for the rear of the horse.”

Bob Levi responded:

And what do you call a tall exotic animal that’s a cross between an African antelope and an elk, who is wearing clip-on eyeglasses and waiting to continue his golf game at the 17th tee?

High nez gnu deer, the rear of the course.