Psychiatry and Proctology

Glenda Konopka sent this expanded version of a tale that I remember from my misguided yoot.

Two doctors opened offices in a small town and put up a sign reading “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology”. The town’s fathers were not too happy with that sign, so they changed it to “Hysterias and Posteriors”.

This was not acceptable either, so they changed the sign to “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids”. No go, so they tried “Catatonics and High Colonics”.

Thumbs down again, so they tried “Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives.” Still not good, so they tried “Minds and Behinds”. Unacceptable again, so they tried “Lost Souls and A-holes”.

Still no go. Nor, did “Analysis and Anal Cysts”, “Queers and Rears”, “Nuts and Butts”, “Freaks and Cheeks”, or “Loons and Moons” work either.

They finally settled on “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends.”

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