Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Pre-Nissan

Category: Rated G

This is for my dear, precious Mary Ann, of course. It turns out this story is much older than I thought it was. “Himie Koshevoy’s Treasure Jest of Best Puns”, 1969, has a version of the second punchline.


It was a mystery fit only for the great Sherlock Holmes, himself. The day after every full moon, members of a Japanese fraternity would be found dead in the hall on the fourth floor. The victims were crushed and there were signs of skid marks and tire tracks on the floor. Holmes was called into the case. It quickly became apparent that the only student that was not frightened was a young man named Nagawa who quickly became the object of Holmes’s suspicion.

The evening of the next full moon, while peering through the keyhole of Nagawa’s room, they saw that the student was no longer there, and in his place was a Japanese compact car!!!

The next morning Holmes confronted Nagawa. “When the moon is full, you become an automobile, and you run over your fellow students on the fourth floor.”

“But how did you know that?”, gasped Nagawa.

Holmes replied, “Elementary, my were-Datsun!!!”

At this, Nagwa panicked, and ran down the corridor. As he opened the door to escape, he turned into a car again, but as he expanded he became trapped in the doorway. The pressure was so great that he exploded and no trace of him was ever found, again.

But it rained Datsun cogs for days!

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