From Shayne Gad.
GENERAL:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still
Rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine, make … Read the rest…
This was published on the yahoogroups.com punsite by Anna Welander.
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer
stopped her. “I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer. “I just wanted to warn you
that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be
dangerous.”
“I thank thee,” replied the Amish lady. “I shall have my husband repair it
as soon as I return home.”
“Also,” said the … Read the rest…
This was posted on bwjokes.
After a basketball game, the coach found a cell phone on the gym floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, “Here’s your phone.”
“What makes you think it’s mine?” the referee asked.
“Easy,” the coach replied. “It says you missed 13 calls.”… Read the rest…
This is by Terry Morrison.
Inside, seven students practised their craft with uncanny precision, lifting huge panes of glass, bumping into unseen obstacles and walking, or more correctly, being walked by invisible dogs on just as invisible leashes.
Being a mime required countless hours of energy-sapping dedication as each tiny movement was repeated over and over to create the desired effect. They … Read the rest…
There are many that will understand exactly what this tale from the groaners listserv is about.
Once there was a man named Nathan. He wanted very much to be a teacher. So he went to seek the advice of the wisest, most highly respected counselor in the land.
“Wise counselor,” Nathan began, “it has always been my dream to be a teacher. I want to stimulate the minds of the young people of our land. I want to lead them … Read the rest…
This tale of sudden awakenings comes from Bill Pardue.
We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom. We have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and … Read the rest…
Another salvo in the war between the sexes, this punishment was posted on the groaners listserv.
TOP 5 REASONS WHY COMPUTERS MUST BE MALE
5. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.
3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.
2. They’re typically obsolete … Read the rest…
Cousin Jo Ann brought this to our attention. Snopes.com says that many of the details about deer behavior appear authentic, but the tale is of undetermined origin. When I was at Davis (CA), the foot behavior was described to me.… Read the rest…
This was submitted by Jo Ann Thomas. The original source is unknown.
This is from cousin Jo Ann Thomas. She has a pretty good run going.
One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, … Read the rest…
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