Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Punniest of Show (2013 Pun-Off) Results

Category: News, Rated G

The O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships was held last weekend. The first half of the competition consists of a series of prepared skits.

Thirty-one contestants were scored from 1 to 10 by six judges. The highest and the lowest scores were dropped before summing the total.

Here are the scores:

Contestant Judge 1 Judge 2 Judge 3 Judge 5 Judge 5 Judge 6 Total
Christen DiClaudio 8 6 7 7 7 9 29
Michael Kohl 9 7 7 8 8
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For Those Needing Biblical Interpretation of Current Events

Category: Puns, Rated PG

Forwarded to us by Lowrie.


For those who haven’t heard, Washington State just passed two laws about gay marriage and legalized marijuana.

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:

“If a man lies with another man they should be stoned.”

We just hadn’t interpreted it correctly before.


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Equivalents — For All You Thinkers

Category: Lists, Puns, Rated G

This listing is from Mitch Friedman, and for which we thank him. (I was tempted, but I think “thinkers” is better than “nerds”.)


  1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
  2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
  3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
  4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
  5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
  6. Time it … Read the rest...

The Cow, the Ant, and the Old Fart

Category: Rated PG-13, Short Snorts

This was posted by our rude punster, Myke Cooper.


A cow, an ant and an old fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
 
The cow said, “I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that’s why I am the greatest!”
 
The ant said, “I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that’s why I am the greatest!”
 
 
 
 
 … Read the rest...

A Graduate Student Haggadah

Category: Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G

Posted on Puns@yahoogroups.com, by Stan Kegel. The Haggadah is the text of the ceremony perfomed at the start of every Passover Sedar dinner. The author of this fantasy/satire is by an unknown graduate student working on his Ph.D.


A GRADUATE STUDENT HAGGADAH

Leader: Welcome to the Graduate student Seder. Every year we gather together to tell the story of our forefathers’ liberation from graduate school.

Participant: Retelling the story of our time in graduate school is a sacred duty. Even … Read the rest...

A Really Olde Rerun

Category: Current Events, Puns

A Really Olde Rerun


The current Pope served for about seven years before announcing retirement.
Last time around when the College of Cardinals selected Pope Benedict, one
of the cardinals that was in the running was Cardinal Anton Scola. The newspapers
say he’s in the running again, but has the same problem as last time — no one
thinks the Church should have a Pope Scola.


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Hoof in Mouth Disease

Category: Rated PG, Short Snorts

John Sugg submitted the following fragrant pun.


In honor of International Hoof Care Week I would like to bring to light a new farrier/artist name Ed Smith. He developed the art of carving intricate patterns in the tops of horse hooves. He is much talked about in cowboy circles. Around many a campfire you hear exclamations about Hoof Art Ed!… Read the rest...

Cuddle Up, and Don’t Be Blue

Category: Picture Pun, Rated G

Another picture pun is making the rounds.


Melon CollieRead the rest...

Shaggy Austrian

Category: Picture Pun, Rated G

This picture pun is making the rounds…


I still love Vista, BabyRead the rest...

Wisdom for the New Year

Category: Picture Pun, Rated G

This one was sent in by Lowrie B.


Two of the greatest qualities in life are patience and wisdomRead the rest...