SubscribeSaw this one online. It’s certainly timely.
I went into the gas station and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The clerk took my money, farted, and gave me a receipt.… Read the rest…
Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots
The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive
Ordeal of Sir Galahad
Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy
This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.
When knighthood was in flower and power and young gallants wassailed around King Arthur’s round table, it was their wont to keep in practice by rescuing damsels from dragons and other beasts, human or otherwise.
When they has saved all the maidens worth saving, they went to seek other adventures such as heading east to find the Holy Grail.
Of all the incredible tales now told of those days, none … Read the rest…
British Alerts to Terror Threats in 2011
Category: Politically Incorrect, Puns, Rated G
This was forwarded by Dick Brewer. It is by John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person.… Read the rest…
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”
The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized
Changes in Military Aviation
Category: Politically Incorrect, Puns, Rated PG-13
This one is from Lowrie B.
While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.
Finally, she said, ‘Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan ‘
An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, ‘Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? ‘
When the attendant came … Read the rest…
Bringing a Smile
Category: Picture Pun, Rated PG
This is a lovely little gem from Lowrie B.
A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint,
When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, ‘Hey Koala! What are you doing?’
The koala said, ‘Smoking a joint, come up and have some.’
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was ‘dry’ and that he … Read the rest…
Shaggy Lentils
Category: Cartoon Puns, Puns, Rated G
Irregular Webcomic! is by David Morgan-Mar. Occasionally, he includes wonderful puns. This one was originally published on February 27, 2008.
This work is copyrighted and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported Licence by David Morgan-Mar.… Read the rest…
The Sprouting Behavior of Heat-Treated Timepieces
Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs
From the groaners listserv, a classic shaggy dog.
THE SPROUTING BEHAVIOR OF HEAT-TREATED TIMEPIECES
A Controlled Experiment
INTRODUCTION:
Watch sprouting has been a controversial problem, complicated by popular misunderstanding of even its basic issue. This report undertakes to resolve the question definitively by careful experiment.
SUBJECTS:
60 new watches (12 each from Bulova, Casio, Rolex, Seiko, and Timex) were used, each pretested to be at least 99.9% accurate. Mechanical watches were fully wound. Electronic ones were equipped with fresh batteries.… Read the rest…
Politically Correct NFL Teams
Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Puns, Rated G
From the groaners listserv. Assuming there is a season next year, the following is likely to happen.
The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the teams rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced yesterday its name changes for the upcoming season, as well as the first week’s schedule that includes:
The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very … Read the rest…
Lip Service
Category: Rated G
*From Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer’s recent book.
A young woman, extraordinarily attractive in personality, character, and presentation, was suffering from an illness that made her lips cracked and sore. The slightest movement of her mouth caused pain and embarrassment. Her condition, though not cured, was somewhat relieved by the application of a medication prescribed by her physician.
The instructions on the prescription were to apply the medication once a day, but the young woman found that more frequent applications … Read the rest…