Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Dead Horse Theory

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

This little bit of ancient wisdom was sent to us by Shayne Gad.

The tribal wisdom of the Lakota Sioux, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in government, Federal State and Local (including police, fire departments & education),Unions, large organizations and corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed:

1. Buying a bigger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on August 17, 2011 at 10:43 am
filed in Rated G, Shaggy Puppy
tagged , ,

Surgeons at a Convention

Category: Puns, Rated PG-13

This is was posted by Stan Kegel on puns@yahoogroups.com. Somehow it never seems to get old.

Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes.

The first, a Florida surgeon, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded.”

The third, a California surgeon, says: “No, … Read the rest…

1 Comment posted by Alan B. Combs on August 16, 2011 at 11:10 am
filed in Puns, Rated PG-13
tagged , ,

The Animal Wedding

Category: Puns, Rated G

This was written by Gary Hallock. It was posted on puns@yahoogroups.com.

A story book wedding was to take place in the animal kingdom. As in most story books, animals talk and interact in a human fashion and even inter-species marriages are not uncommon. (e.g. – Owl & Pussycat) The bride, a lovely young goat, was to be wedded to a very distinguished rodent, a brave soldier in her majesty’s service.

A grand ceremony was planned and many different animals were … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on August 8, 2011 at 5:01 pm
filed in Puns, Rated G
tagged ,

Vignettes of When the Fight Started…

Category: Rated G, Rated PG-13, Shaggy Puppy

Thanks to Bill Pardue for this collection.

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…

The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s when the fight started……..

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, ‘Do … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on July 19, 2011 at 9:35 am
filed in Rated G, Rated PG-13, Shaggy Puppy
tagged , , , ,

Alzheimer’s Test for Modern Seniors

Category: Rated PG-13

How fast can you guess these words?

1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM

… Read the rest…

1 Comment posted by Brian P. Combs on July 8, 2011 at 3:09 pm
filed in Rated PG-13
tagged , , ,

Seven Degrees of Blonde

Category: Rated G

Many of these have been going around separately. Here there are several all together.

First Degree:

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who was that?” The wife said, “I don’t know, some
woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.”

Second Degree:

Two

… Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on July 7, 2011 at 7:55 am
filed in Rated G
tagged

The New Job

Category: Puns, Rated G

This was posted by Stan Kegel on puns@yahoogroups.com.

A man walked into a temporary agency looking for some work.

“Here, fill these forms out and bring them back to me when you’re done,” the office administrator said.

The man finished the forms and brought them back to the administrator. “Very good,” she said as she looked them over. “We actually have a job for you,” she added. “It just came in. It’s at the library.”

“Great,” the man said. “When … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on July 6, 2011 at 10:33 am
filed in Puns, Rated G
tagged ,

Heaven Can Be Tricky

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs, Shaggydog listserv

This warning was posted a few years ago on Yahoo’s shaggy dog page.

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead
for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of
the road. It … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on June 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm
filed in Rated G, Shaggy Dogs, Shaggydog listserv
tagged ,

If Airlines Sold Paint

Category: Current Events, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

This story is at least ten years old. What it doesn’t have are the TSA grabbings and pat downs.

Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

     Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

     Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different
prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What’s the difference in the paint?

     Clerk: Oh, there isn’t … Read the rest…

1 Comment posted by Alan B. Combs on June 28, 2011 at 1:13 pm
filed in Current Events, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs
tagged

Worship

Category: Picture Pun, Rated G

Found on the internet somewhere…

Lettuce Pray… Read the rest…

1 Comment posted by Brian P. Combs on June 24, 2011 at 8:00 am
filed in Picture Pun, Rated G
tagged ,
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