Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Variations heard on a country folk song

Category: Rated G

This is by Alan B. Combs.

“Wry whimsy, wry whimsy,
Wry whimsy,” I cry.
“If I don’t get wry whimsy,
I surely will die.”… Read the rest...

The Frugal Gourmet

Category: Rated G

An older version of the same story is given in “Himie Koshevoy’s Treasure Jest of Best Puns”, 1969.

Here is a story about the Frugal Gourmet’s recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany , but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home. Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish… Read the rest...

Contented Cows

Category: Rated G

Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows. Therefore, he’d visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed, and they gave excellent milk. However, the news got around and no one else was much amused. Thus, his cows became the laughing stock of the community.… Read the rest...

The Rancher’s Will

Category: Rated G

I can remember this excellent pun from my callow yoot. No one ever seemed to get the punchline. This version appears in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.

Mamie Webser, widowed early in her marriage, carried on working her husband’s cattle ranch and for many years toiled at the arduous chores that go with raising beef for market. As the years wore on, her three big sons took on more and more of the work until she was able… Read the rest...

What Will The Gov’t Do Next?

Category: Politically Incorrect

This was taken from Bama Brown, a local DJ. I don’t know from where he got it.

The Federal Government is now planning to provide extremely low cost housing for those vertically challenged members of our society.

These domiciles will be known as the Stay Free minipads.… Read the rest...

Fitting Punishment

Category: Rated G

In medieval times there was a court jester whose wont was always to come up with the most atrocious puns. This continued for months on end, whereupon the king lost his patience and sentenced the jester to be hanged.

The poor wretch was standing on the gallows with a rope around his neck when a messenger came riding posthaste from the castle, exclaiming, “Wait! The king has decided to spare the jester’s life, provided that he never again tell another … Read the rest...

The Lone Arranger

Category: Rated G

Many versions of this one can be found bouncing around the Internet.

A frog walks in to a bank one day and asks the teller for a loan. The teller goes to the back and asks her boss what to do. The boss says, “Tell the frog to go see Patty Black at the loan desk.” So she does, and the frog asks Patty for a loan. Patty asks if the frog has any colateral. The frog says, “I only … Read the rest...

Shaggy Sir Lancelot

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

This very well may be one of the original shaggy dog story puns, for which the genera is named. There are endless variations of this story, but here is an example.

King Arthur sends Sir Lancelot out on an important mission to deliver a message to the king of Spain. It is a long distance, and Lancelot looks in the Kingdom for a good horse to take him there. His own horse is sick, and all he can find is… Read the rest...

Foo Bird Shaggy

Category: Rated PG-13

Once a rich man went on a safari. As he was about to enter the jungle, his guide warned him, “The jungle is a dangerous place. There are tigers, poisonous snakes and other obvious dangers. But the most deadly of them all is the mysterious foo bird.”

“What makes it so dangerous?” the man asked.

“The foo bird is a very territorial animal,” the guide explained. “If you walk under a tree in which a foo bird nest, it will … Read the rest...

Spanish Shaggy

Category: Rated G

Versions of this story can be found all over the internet. The authors are unknown. One version can be found by Madeleine L’Engle in “Bred any Good Rooks Lately?”

In a certain city in Eastern Spain, there was a movie theater. The builders of the theater only built a single emergency exit door, rather than the two required by law. Sure enough there was a fire and several people were trampled to death. The moral: Don’t put all your Basques … Read the rest...