Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Lone Arranger

Category: Rated G

Many versions of this one can be found bouncing around the Internet.


A frog walks in to a bank one day and asks the teller for a loan. The teller goes to the back and asks her boss what to do. The boss says, “Tell the frog to go see Patty Black at the loan desk.” So she does, and the frog asks Patty for a loan. Patty asks if the frog has any colateral. The frog says, “I only … Read the rest...

Shaggy Sir Lancelot

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

This very well may be one of the original shaggy dog story puns, for which the genera is named. There are endless variations of this story, but here is an example.


King Arthur sends Sir Lancelot out on an important mission to deliver a message to the king of Spain. It is a long distance, and Lancelot looks in the Kingdom for a good horse to take him there. His own horse is sick, and all he can find is… Read the rest...

Foo Bird Shaggy

Category: Rated PG-13

Once a rich man went on a safari. As he was about to enter the jungle, his guide warned him, “The jungle is a dangerous place. There are tigers, poisonous snakes and other obvious dangers. But the most deadly of them all is the mysterious foo bird.”

“What makes it so dangerous?” the man asked.

“The foo bird is a very territorial animal,” the guide explained. “If you walk under a tree in which a foo bird nest, it will … Read the rest...

Spanish Shaggy

Category: Rated G

Versions of this story can be found all over the internet. The authors are unknown. One version can be found by Madeleine L’Engle in “Bred any Good Rooks Lately?”


In a certain city in Eastern Spain, there was a movie theater. The builders of the theater only built a single emergency exit door, rather than the two required by law. Sure enough there was a fire and several people were trampled to death. The moral: Don’t put all your Basques … Read the rest...

Shaggy Joe Friday

Category: Rated G

It seems that the LAPD just got on the internet. Chosen to coordinate this feat was none other than Sgt. Joe Friday. After one week he had to give a presentation explaining Usenet to all the officers. At the presentation, one woman stated, “You seem to know so much about this stuff, Joe. Did you really read all those postings?”

To which he replied: “Just the FAQs, Ma’am.”… Read the rest...

Sitting Bull

Category: Rated G

Many (!) versions of this old saw exist, including one in “Bred Any Good Rooks Lately?”


Sitting Bull had three wives who were always quarreling about who among them should be Number One. One was pretty, one was clever, and one was very strong. Finally, tired of their squabbles, he tells his medicine man to resolve the issue. The medicine man took the wives to his teepee where he had gathered pelts and hides from all over the world. He… Read the rest...

Shaggy Horse

Category: Rated G

We do not know the original source of this stories, but variants are boutiful.


An officer in the New York Mounted Police always paused his horse to rest in the same place every day. One fellah got in the habit of having a donut for the horse when he stopped. One day he offered the horse a donut, and the horse bit him. “Hey!” yelled the guy. “He never did that before!” “Oh, sorry,” said the policeman. “I forgot to… Read the rest...

Shaggy Holstein

Category: Rated G

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow’s ear. The farmer didn’t think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket.

It was in one ear and out the udder.… Read the rest...

African Shaggy Dog

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

An African nation was well known for mining large amounts of various, expensive, green gemstones. By not paying attention to the realities of the marketplace, however, they frequently made the mistake of overproduction. The problem then arose — what to do with the excess stones? On one occasion, the surplus stones were used to pave the road around a high school athletic field. This became known as the “Track of all Jades”… Read the rest...

Shaggy Historical Site

Category: Rated G

This has been attributed to Bennett Cerf. Many variants exist.


Lowell, Massachusetts, is an old New England Mill town. Many of the Mills have been declared National Historical Sites and are included in a Federal Park (true!). The problem was what to do with the other mills, and how to attract more tourists to the area. One bright young marketeer pointed out that Germans like to travel with their dogs, and this was difficult in the U.S. Why not make… Read the rest...