Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Anesthesia a la Bong

Category: Rated G

Chris Cole asks, “I can’t help but wonder if the following might be possible?”


A Prague anesthesiologist decided to stop using regular anesthetics, figuring lots of time was wasted while waiting for the patient to finally “go under”. Besides, the anesthetics were expensive. Instead, he just kept a large wooden mallet on his tray next to the surgery table. The mallet bore the following inscription — Rapid Czech-Out.… Read the rest...

Popular in Ministerial Circles

Category: Rated G

Bill was short of money and was out looking for a job. Paster Nelson offered Bill $500 to buy paint and paint the church. Bill went out, bought some paint and started painting the church.

He discovered that he was using more paint than he expected, so he added some thinner to the paint. The paint still covered, but not as well as it did at first. He continued to use more paint than he wanted, so he added still … Read the rest...

Weak Tea

Category: Rated G

This one is very old. The author is unknown.


George loved tea. He’d always come over for several cups. He had an insatiable thirst. He became such a nuisance that we decided to fix him. To cure him of all desire for tea, we decided to drown him with the stuff. One day we forced him to drink ten posts of tea. As he staggered off, we laughed at how clever we had been in putting ten pots in a … Read the rest...

The Blue Volvo

Category: Rated G

Jim owned a blue-green colored Volvo. It was a ’72 however, making it quite old and even Volvos don’t last forever. When he was driving home one afternoon and the engine fell through the engine mounts, his wife brought up the subject of buying a new car. “Well, I’ve grown partial to this car, dear” said Jim. “But honey, this car is falling apart!” his wife exclaimed. The argument went on for a while and the husband finally agreed that … Read the rest...

Salesman in Africa

Category: Rated G

There are endless versions of this one bouncing around the net.


A travelling salesman was opening up new territories in Africa. On day he fell ill. Being a man of action, he sought immediate medical attention. Even though the only nearby facility was a witch doctor, he went to see the man. The witch doctor looked him over, then cut a long, thin strip from a leather hide and gave it to the salesman, saying “Chew on this and by… Read the rest...

Now, This is Poverty

Category: Rated G

We were so poor as children, we had very little to eat. One day my mother sent me to the basement to find what I could for dinner. After a long search, I came back with some beets. This was not enough to feed our family of 6, so my mother sent me to the attic to kill the family of wrens who had moved in there. My mother cooked the wren and we waited for my father to get … Read the rest...

Royal Antics

Category: Rated G

There once was a king who was loved by all of his subjects, especially because of the hunting excursions he arranged and shared with them. As will happen, the king died and his eldest son took the throne.

Now this new king was an animal lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms hunting and fishing. His subjects accepted this for only a short time before they finally ousted him. This was a truly a significant event because it’s … Read the rest...

The Dog’s Tale

Category: Rated G

I think it was in a different pub where the landlord had a big problem when a dog was run over by a tram outside his door late one night – the poor animal had his tail cut off and died from loss of blood.

Every night at midnight, the ghost of the dog came back to look for his tail, but couldn’t find it, so just sat there howling until 1am.

When a barman asked his boss why he … Read the rest...

Toyota Salesman

Category: Rated PG

A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression. On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like “HONDA.” The man was besides himself. Every few minutes “HONDA”, “HONDA”….

Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate … Read the rest...

Pre-Nissan

Category: Rated G

This is for my dear, precious Mary Ann, of course. It turns out this story is much older than I thought it was. “Himie Koshevoy’s Treasure Jest of Best Puns”, 1969, has a version of the second punchline.


It was a mystery fit only for the great Sherlock Holmes, himself. The day after every full moon, members of a Japanese fraternity would be found dead in the hall on the fourth floor. The victims were crushed and there were signs… Read the rest...