Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Go with the Flow

Category: Rated G

Another original spurious-synapse product from Chris Cole.

Bee keeper Ben R. Jizer prided himself on the very potent, flavorful honey his bees produced. It was quite by accident, however, that he discovered another rather peculiar quality of his honey. It dissolved rubber gaskets. How, you may ask, did he discover that?

One of his honey distributors suggested to Ben that he package his honey in bottles resembling little glass barrels, fitted with a handy spigot on the side for dispensing … Read the rest...

Barely Told

Category: Rated PG

This story exists with many different versions of the story and punchline. A different version was by Joel Oppenheimer in “Bred Any Good Rooks Lately?”

Two friends, Count Jan Schweik of Czechoslovakia and Sir Hugh Lowndes of the UK, were hunting in the Austrian Alps. Having spent most of the morning hunting unsuccessfully for the fabled mammoth Austrian brown bear, they decided to rest and enjoy the lunch packed for them at the inn where they were staying. The sat… Read the rest...

Monster Tale (The Beast of London)

Category: Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

This is an olde tale. This updated and expanded version was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.

. The Beast of London

By the 15th century, the Templar Knights had disappeared, but deep in the bowels of the British Museum in a case well sealed and protected lies a strange memorial to their impact on the city of London.

London of the early 12th century was on its way to becoming an impressive city, but its life and … Read the rest...

The Coal Miner

Category: Rated G

A news item this morning was about a local coal miner. It seems that his advocation was painting, but since he couldn’t afford to buy canvasses he simply painted on the wall of his small cottage. Unfortunately, a gang of youths broke into his cottage earlier this week and defaced his paintings. Yesterday the young miscreants were charged in court with having “corrupted the murals of a miner.”… Read the rest...

Wax Museum

Category: Rated G

The manager of the Wax Museum of Horrors called in his janitor, and told him that he would be fired if he didn’t do a better job of polishing the figures in the museum.

The janitor replied: “I am sorry, but I buffer ghouls badly.”… Read the rest...

Off the Coast of Newfoundland

Category: Rated G

Off the coast of Newfoundland, a great many fishermen do their fishing at night. They navigate solely by the light of the moon, scorning more sophisticated methods. Of course, from time to time this method fails, and shipwrecks are the result. The Department of Fisheries was reviewing statistics one day, and was shocked to discover how many shipwrecks there were during night fishing. When they discovered that the fishermen were navigating by the light of the moon, they promptly installed … Read the rest...


Category: Rated G

Yet, another shaggy dog with an endless lifespan.

Dr. Combs’ story reminded me about the time when a short spiritualist was hiding out from the law. The local news station reported that the police were looking for “a small medium at large.”… Read the rest...

Roy Rogers

Category: Rated G

This one is decades old and comes in various incarnations.

Many years ago, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans had a problem with a mountain lion. This lion had cost Roy and Dale a number of head of cattle, but what really got Roy’s attention was one night the big cat crept onto the front porch of their house and mangled Roy’s brand new cowboy boots, which had been left outside overnight. That was the final straw. Roy saddled up Trigger,… Read the rest...

Another Fishing Tale

Category: Rated G

The author of this little gem is not known.

Scotland is a great place for fishing — people travel from all over Britain to take part in the angling competitions held in Fifeshire. To keep the visiting fishermen entertained in the evenings, one of the hotels decided to stage a fish eating competition as well.

A dozen competitors sat at a long table with a supply of grilled fish fresh from the nearby river and their choice of tipple to … Read the rest...

Arthur’s Story

Category: Rated G

There once was a guy named Arthur Twiddle. He was your ordinary, homeless street bum, and everyone called him Artie. He found a cozy area to live next to this huge mansion. Although he lived in a cardboard box, he would gather the crumbs from the owner of the mansion for food. The owner’s name was Mrs. Ralphs.

Everything was fine up until Mrs. Ralphs decided to get a pet cat. Instead of throwing away food, she would feed it … Read the rest...