Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Once Upon a Time

Category: Rated G

The author is unknown, but this story can be widely found all over the internet.


Whince upun a thyme, there was a man who married in his youth the most perfect woman for him. She was beautiful, charming, witty, independent, sexy and she loved her husband dearly. It caused him the utmost grief when she died not long after their marriage, and he mourned her for many years.

In time he overcame his grief and married again, but this woman … Read the rest...

Another Actual Shaggy Dog

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

Finally, there was the three-legged shaggy dog that ambled into the bar one night. The patrons would not have paid much attention, except that the dog had a very serious look on his face and he was armed with a six shooter.

The bartender said, “This is a peaceful establishment. What are you doing in here with that gun?”

The dog replied, “I’m looking for the man that shot my paw!”… Read the rest...

Baseball Story

Category: Rated G

This one is another classic that reverberates on the internet. One version is in Ted Brett’s book, “Don’t Book a Judge by his cover.”


Was he the best pitcher that ever threw a baseball? Back in the 1950s, there were a lot of folks who thought so. Mel Famey of the Milwaukee Braves was a natural — a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon whose fast ball blew away the best hitters. His 90 MPH curveball would start out like it was going to… Read the rest...

Irish Prisoners

Category: Rated G

During World War II, the captured Allied agents of Stalag 15 were attempting yet another daring prison break. On this particular night, Major O’Roarke and Lieutenant Flanagan were chosen to try to cut their way through the bars of the East gate.

They were hard at work when the siren sounded, and the floodlights caught them in the act. As the German officer led them away, O’Roarke said, “We were so careful. How did you ever catch us?”

The German … Read the rest...

Advertisements

Category: Rated G

In Florida, a group had started a con ring that went to old-folks homes and offered trips to the homeland, Ireland. After securing their down payment (usually around a thousand dollars) the con-artists would split. When the scam was discovered, the story ran in the local papers under the headline:

“Tour Allure: A lie”

Read the rest...

Ghost Story

Category: Rated G

There are several versions of this one — involving toilets and the like. Use your imagination.


There was this haunted house on the outskirts of the town which was avoided by all the townfolk because the ghost which `lived’ there was feared by all.

However, an enterprising journalist decided to get the scoop of the day by photographing the fearsome phantom. When he entered the house, armed with only his camera, the ghost descended upon him, clanking chains, et al. … Read the rest...

Washington, DC, Park

Category: Rated PG

This wonderfully rude little story has been around for a long time.


Every year, before they can set up the National Christmas Tree, the White House deputizes a special task force to handle police problems in the Ellipse, which is that big grassy area just south of Pennsylvania Ave. In addition to problems with the homeless and drug dealers, the unit has recently had a lot of trouble clearing out all the pimps and prostitutes. To handle the crisis, the… Read the rest...

Bad Luck

Category: Rated G

A certain nameless person entered the pun contest ten different times in the hope that at least one of his puns might win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.… Read the rest...

Catching Polar Bears

Category: alt.callahans, Rated PG

There is an art to capturing polar bears. Each Inuit village has a differnt technique and there is considerable competition between villages in how effective their techniques really are. The most famous village of all had a technique that worked nearly all of the time. The technique stayed a secret until one old gentleman finally told the leaders of the other villages.

“The technique,” he said, “is to make a large hole in the ice. Then, you must surround the … Read the rest...

Frozen Story

Category: Rated G

A variant of this story is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”


Every day a peddler pulled his cart of wool from his home to the village market. It was a long trip. He had to travel around the perimeter of a large lake that was owned by the town tycoon, a modern-day Scrooge.

One day during the winter the lake froze over. The peddler realized that he could cut off two miles from his trip, if he … Read the rest...