Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Michael Jackson

Category: Rated G

As we all know, Michael Jackson is a very shy individual. This is reinforced by the tendency of strangers to rip him off, or to help him spend his money. Because of his suspicions of people in general, it is very difficult to become one of his friends. It can be done, however. Given enough time and constancy of behaviour, one can become a member of his inner circle of friends. The final step, the one to which all his … Read the rest...

An Asimov Pun

Category: Rated G

Stan Kegel tells us, “This pun has been circulating aound the internet in various versions. It was originally written by science fiction author, Isaac Asimov. Here is his version of the pun.”

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy. … Read the rest...

Babbling Brook

Category: Rated G

A similar version of an earlier shaggy dog was published by Donald Hall in “Bred any Good Rooks Lately?”

Here where we live in New Hampshire, the little creeks roll down the mountain across our fields, making endless little rivulets. My wife spend much of the year working on the borders of these streams, working hard to keep the borders clear and clean. If there is anything she likes, it is to weed a good brook.… Read the rest...

Do You Remember?

Category: Rated G

There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull “Why didn’t you fall down like the rest of the herd?”

The bull replied “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”… Read the rest...

The Baker’s Tale

Category: Rated G

This is a lovely old tale. A version can be found in Ted Brett’s “Don’t Book a Judge by his cover.”

There was this one-man-show baker who prided himself on his bread. He would slice it to order, disdaining automatic slicers, saying that his way was much more effective in producing the best end result. (He was dealing with the upper crust, of course.)

Soon his business grew to the point where he couldn’t keep up, so he bought himself … Read the rest...

More Gross Than Not

Category: Rated G

There was a Frenchman who was involved in a severe car accident. His body was damaged to such an extent that the doctors and surgeons could only save one lung, a piece of brain, and his vocal chords.

Because they had managed such a miracle as to keep this man alive, and sane, and healthy over all the time it took for recovery, his first trip out of the hospital was a big press event.

Unfortunately, the nurse wheeling him … Read the rest...

Shaggy Lop-Ear

Category: Rated G

I like this one, of course, because I wrote it.

Here in the Pharmacy School, we have a 10 inch ledge which runs all the way around the fifth floor of the the building. Those little, furry animals with bushy tails have taken to running around on the ledge seeking the frequent handouts that certain faculty members give them. Outside my office, however, they prefer to sit quietly and listen to my shaggy dog stories. This goes to show, of … Read the rest...

Office Protocol

Category: Rated G

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3×5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out. Joe wrote, “The office workers should all be given raises!” When he looked at Frank’s card, it said “Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, … Read the rest...

The Bell Makers

Category: Rated G

This pun is by Bennet Cerf, that most prolific writer and collector of puns.

Long ago, in a small country in Europe, one family had for centuries made all the bells for the churches in the village. Finally, only one member of the bell-making family was left, and he was also the mayor of the town. Feeling threatened by competition, the mayor decreed that no wedding bells might be rung in the village unless they were made by him. He … Read the rest...

The Gnu Mutation (Feghoot XXXVIII)

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

By Reginald Bretnor writing as Grendel Briarton, with thanks given to J.C. Owens.

On July 4th, 2007, Ferdinand Feghoot addressed the D.A.R.’s National Convention, hastily substituting for Robert A. Heinlein, who had been delayed on the Moon. Not knowing that his audience expected a more appropriate theme, he spoke on the many new nations of Africa.

“And in conclusion,” he finally remarked, “I must mention the fascinating Republic of Gnus. We all know how, after the African bomb tests, the … Read the rest...