Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Missing Child

Category: Rated G

A very poor woman gave birth to identical twin boys, but she could not afford to keep them, so she arranged to give them up for adoption. Unfortunately, the agency could not keep them together, and one boy was adopted by a Mexican family and the other by an Arab family. The Mexican family named their boy ‘Juan’. The Arab family named theirs ‘Amal’.

The years passed, and the woman found herself wondering whatever happened to her two boys. “They … Read the rest...

In The Days of Old, When Knights Were Bold…

Category: Rated G

The author of this story is unknown. A very different tale with a similar punchline is Feghoot XXXIX by Reginald Bretnor writing under the name of Grendel Briarton.

The realm of King Arthur was sorely beset by the encroachments of the Saxons. Sadly, there were few Knights left to fight them. King Arthur, despairing the probable downfall of Camelot, turned once again to Merlin, his friend and wisest advisor.

“Merlin, I fear that this time even your great resources will … Read the rest...

NASA’s Plans

Category: Rated G

An early variant of this far flung tale is in Himie Koshevoy’s collection.

There are new plans in the works to build a self-sustaining space colony. At first only people would be sent to the station, followed by vegetation, then animal life. The first animal to be sent up will be the cow, since it can provide milk for the babies born on the colony. The plans are to have an entire shipment solely of cattle — it will be … Read the rest...

Another Monk’s Tale

Category: Rated G

Various versions of this story have been bouncing around the internet for the last few years.

After Robin Hood died, Friar Tuck decided to buy a flower shop. Just a week after opening, he discovered that some of his plants were wilting because of bad ventilation. He asked his best friend George to put new vents in for him. George did this and charged the friar five dollars.

A week later the Friar was discouraged to find even more flowers … Read the rest...

Chess Mavens

Category: Rated G

This one is younger than many, but it has had a lively existence, so far.

During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel. In the lobby of the hotel several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, “I could beat Karpov with no problem”.

“Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time.”

“That’s nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!”

Finally, the hotel manager had had enough … Read the rest...

The Barber

Category: Rated G

This is from Stan Kegel. The author is not known.

Abe Cohen was a very successful barber whose tonsorial shop happened to be located next store to a bowling alley. Cohen became enamoured with the sport and was determined to get his score over 200 so he began spending more time bowling than barbering. He had started a game with 6 consecutive strikes one afternoon when the political boss of the county tracked him down and demanded an immediate shave. … Read the rest...

At The San Diego Park

Category: Rated G

There are so many versions of this one, it must either be a classic, or among the most stolen shaggy dogs.

Last year the San Diego Wild Animal Park opened its first dolphin exhibit. Although the exhibit was open for public viewing, its primary purpose was to save a rare species of dolphin found in the Indian Ocean.

Breeding was obviously an important part of the program, but initially the dolphins wouldn’t cooperate. After trying and failing in several attempts … Read the rest...

Michael Jackson

Category: Rated G

As we all know, Michael Jackson is a very shy individual. This is reinforced by the tendency of strangers to rip him off, or to help him spend his money. Because of his suspicions of people in general, it is very difficult to become one of his friends. It can be done, however. Given enough time and constancy of behaviour, one can become a member of his inner circle of friends. The final step, the one to which all his … Read the rest...

An Asimov Pun

Category: Rated G

Stan Kegel tells us, “This pun has been circulating aound the internet in various versions. It was originally written by science fiction author, Isaac Asimov. Here is his version of the pun.”

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy. … Read the rest...

Babbling Brook

Category: Rated G

A similar version of an earlier shaggy dog was published by Donald Hall in “Bred any Good Rooks Lately?”

Here where we live in New Hampshire, the little creeks roll down the mountain across our fields, making endless little rivulets. My wife spend much of the year working on the borders of these streams, working hard to keep the borders clear and clean. If there is anything she likes, it is to weed a good brook.… Read the rest...