Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Ma Bell

Category: Cartoon Puns, Rated G

Other versions of this one are more reminiscent of the Billy Goats Gruff.


King John and King Paul had been at war for years, and King Paul was getting tired of it. He decided to make peace between himself and King John. So, he sent his eldest son, his most trusted Prince, to see King John and arrange the peace. Well, the Prince traveled for days and finally arrived at King John’s castle. It was a huge stone fortress, surrounded … Read the rest...

Mighty Hunters

Category: Rated G

Two good Montana buddies were out hunting for a cougar that was killing their sheep. They staked out an area of the woods near their fields, and waited. After a while, sure enough, there came the cougar. They patiently waited until it was close, and then they both jumped up and shot it at the same time. They couldn’t tell whose bullet had taken the cougar’s life!

They decided to share the credit, and also to have the cougar stuffed, … Read the rest...

Politically Incorrect Old Classic

Category: Politically Incorrect

That modern icon, Forrest Gump, was intellectually challenged, but nevertheless worked very hard to maximize his potential, such as it was. The protagonist of this story, Rosemary, was very similar to Forrest in many respects. She worked very hard, she studied hard, and she greatly hated being less smart than the other children. Generally, this made her work even harder, but at times she became discouraged. One day she asked her favorite teacher if she really would someday become smarter … Read the rest...

Literate Shaggy Dog

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

In this Pharmacy School, several of our clinical people are practicing in several of the local mental hospitals. One of the most interesting cases they told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II.

The concensus of the practitioners was that the fellow didn’t know if he … Read the rest...

The Classic Tale of Quasimodo’s Bell Ringer

Category: Rated G

This is an ancient and venerable tale. It can be found occasionally on the Internet, wholly and in parts.


Most people are vaguely familar with the story of Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Most, however have not heard the whole tale, now told herein.

Not only did Quasimodo live in the Cathedral Notre Dame, he was responsible for ringing the big tower bell on the hour. Clearly, he had a special technique, because no one else could produce bell … Read the rest...

The Trouble with Horse Racing

Category: Rated G

I first heard this one from Dr. S. Elrod, all too many years ago.


An ambitious, but ignorant entrepreneur, decided he would increase his considerable fortune by getting into the thoroughbred racing business. He bought a ranch in Kentucky, stocked it with good horses, and hired some folks to go about amassing his big bucks while he followed other pursuits.

He quickly found, however, that the money flow was only in one direction — out of his pocket. He decided … Read the rest...

Go West, Young Man

Category: Rated G

The golden spike had been driven, thereby , indicating the completion of the first transcontinental railway. Now, it would be possible to enter a train on the East Coast and travel directly to the West Coast. Several different companies joined in enthusiastic competetion for pasengers to ride from the New York to San Francisco. However, they had not counted on one complication — the company that made the passenger cars had manufactured the seats with those skinny-bunned Continentals in mind. … Read the rest...

Druggie

Category: Rated G

I first heard this in Pharmacy School in the 1960s from one of my professors who (out of class) used it as an example of how *NOT* to pronounce the name of a certain class of drugs. This one appears a lot on the internet. I have modified it to reflect the original flavor of when I first heard it.


This shaggy dog story is about the thirsty bear who walked into a bar. As he sat down, a dog … Read the rest...

On The Most Wanted List

Category: Rated G

I am afraid it is true that I have seen several versions of this one.


The Israeli police were looking for a man named Joseph, wanted for looting in the port city of Haifa. The suspect was described as the son of a Barcelona ex-nun and a German father. He was a former flutist, and he worked occasionally as a farmer.

In short, he was “A Haifa-lootin’, flutin’ Teuton, son-of-a-nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe.”… Read the rest...

Missing Child

Category: Rated G

A very poor woman gave birth to identical twin boys, but she could not afford to keep them, so she arranged to give them up for adoption. Unfortunately, the agency could not keep them together, and one boy was adopted by a Mexican family and the other by an Arab family. The Mexican family named their boy ‘Juan’. The Arab family named theirs ‘Amal’.

The years passed, and the woman found herself wondering whatever happened to her two boys. “They … Read the rest...