Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Mixed Drink

Category: Rated G

As is the case herein, many of these tales are very old. Are there any new shaggy dog stories?

A physician made it his regular habit to stop off at a local bar for a hazelnut daiquiri before going home. The bartender knew this, and would always have the drink waiting for him by 5:00 PM. One afternoon as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnuts. Thinking quickly, … Read the rest...

Shaggy Explorers

Category: Rated G

There are numerous versions of this old classic.

Way back in the early days of this country, when men were men and the women were proud, the lure of the untamed West led many to leave all they knew and loved behind, and go toward the setting sun, heading for a new future. As you probably know, the best friend of someone trekking through an unknown and untamed wilderness is a good compass. Alas, even back then, unscrupulous business men … Read the rest...

Short Shaggy

Category: Rated G

For you with children…

A young man visited his friend’s home at dinner time. Upstairs the kids were yelling and screaming. The young man commented “It sounds like a den of iniquity up there.”

Replied the father, “Oh no, that’s just the kids dividing up a pizza. It’s more like a din of inequity.”… Read the rest...

Religious Motif

Category: Rated G

This is another of those old classics that exists in many different versions.

Hard as it might be to believe, Friar James, S.J., was too much of an activist even for the other members of the Jesuit order. And as is frequently the case with such people, Bro. James was sent to the hinterlands to carry out his mission of service.

It turns out, that he was sent to the Land of the Trids, little Hobbit-Like creatures who generally are … Read the rest...

Ma Bell

Category: Cartoon Puns, Rated G

Other versions of this one are more reminiscent of the Billy Goats Gruff.

King John and King Paul had been at war for years, and King Paul was getting tired of it. He decided to make peace between himself and King John. So, he sent his eldest son, his most trusted Prince, to see King John and arrange the peace. Well, the Prince traveled for days and finally arrived at King John’s castle. It was a huge stone fortress, surrounded … Read the rest...

Mighty Hunters

Category: Rated G

Two good Montana buddies were out hunting for a cougar that was killing their sheep. They staked out an area of the woods near their fields, and waited. After a while, sure enough, there came the cougar. They patiently waited until it was close, and then they both jumped up and shot it at the same time. They couldn’t tell whose bullet had taken the cougar’s life!

They decided to share the credit, and also to have the cougar stuffed, … Read the rest...

Politically Incorrect Old Classic

Category: Politically Incorrect

That modern icon, Forrest Gump, was intellectually challenged, but nevertheless worked very hard to maximize his potential, such as it was. The protagonist of this story, Rosemary, was very similar to Forrest in many respects. She worked very hard, she studied hard, and she greatly hated being less smart than the other children. Generally, this made her work even harder, but at times she became discouraged. One day she asked her favorite teacher if she really would someday become smarter … Read the rest...

Literate Shaggy Dog

Category: Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

In this Pharmacy School, several of our clinical people are practicing in several of the local mental hospitals. One of the most interesting cases they told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II.

The concensus of the practitioners was that the fellow didn’t know if he … Read the rest...

The Classic Tale of Quasimodo’s Bell Ringer

Category: Rated G

This is an ancient and venerable tale. It can be found occasionally on the Internet, wholly and in parts.

Most people are vaguely familar with the story of Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Most, however have not heard the whole tale, now told herein.

Not only did Quasimodo live in the Cathedral Notre Dame, he was responsible for ringing the big tower bell on the hour. Clearly, he had a special technique, because no one else could produce bell … Read the rest...

The Trouble with Horse Racing

Category: Rated G

I first heard this one from Dr. S. Elrod, all too many years ago.

An ambitious, but ignorant entrepreneur, decided he would increase his considerable fortune by getting into the thoroughbred racing business. He bought a ranch in Kentucky, stocked it with good horses, and hired some folks to go about amassing his big bucks while he followed other pursuits.

He quickly found, however, that the money flow was only in one direction — out of his pocket. He decided … Read the rest...