Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Chess Mavens

Category: Rated G

This one is younger than many, but it has had a lively existence, so far.

During the recent Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel. In the lobby of the hotel several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, “I could beat Karpov with no problem”.

“Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time.”

“That’s nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!”

Finally, the hotel manager had had enough … Read the rest...

The Barber

Category: Rated G

This is from Stan Kegel. The author is not known.

Abe Cohen was a very successful barber whose tonsorial shop happened to be located next store to a bowling alley. Cohen became enamoured with the sport and was determined to get his score over 200 so he began spending more time bowling than barbering. He had started a game with 6 consecutive strikes one afternoon when the political boss of the county tracked him down and demanded an immediate shave. … Read the rest...

At The San Diego Park

Category: Rated G

There are so many versions of this one, it must either be a classic, or among the most stolen shaggy dogs.

Last year the San Diego Wild Animal Park opened its first dolphin exhibit. Although the exhibit was open for public viewing, its primary purpose was to save a rare species of dolphin found in the Indian Ocean.

Breeding was obviously an important part of the program, but initially the dolphins wouldn’t cooperate. After trying and failing in several attempts … Read the rest...

Michael Jackson

Category: Rated G

As we all know, Michael Jackson is a very shy individual. This is reinforced by the tendency of strangers to rip him off, or to help him spend his money. Because of his suspicions of people in general, it is very difficult to become one of his friends. It can be done, however. Given enough time and constancy of behaviour, one can become a member of his inner circle of friends. The final step, the one to which all his … Read the rest...

An Asimov Pun

Category: Rated G

Stan Kegel tells us, “This pun has been circulating aound the internet in various versions. It was originally written by science fiction author, Isaac Asimov. Here is his version of the pun.”

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy. … Read the rest...

Babbling Brook

Category: Rated G

A similar version of an earlier shaggy dog was published by Donald Hall in “Bred any Good Rooks Lately?”

Here where we live in New Hampshire, the little creeks roll down the mountain across our fields, making endless little rivulets. My wife spend much of the year working on the borders of these streams, working hard to keep the borders clear and clean. If there is anything she likes, it is to weed a good brook.… Read the rest...

Do You Remember?

Category: Rated G

There was a herd of cattle all standing on a hill when an earthquake struck. All of the cows fell down, but the bull remained standing. The farmer noticing this went out and asked the bull “Why didn’t you fall down like the rest of the herd?”

The bull replied “We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down.”… Read the rest...

The Baker’s Tale

Category: Rated G

This is a lovely old tale. A version can be found in Ted Brett’s “Don’t Book a Judge by his cover.”

There was this one-man-show baker who prided himself on his bread. He would slice it to order, disdaining automatic slicers, saying that his way was much more effective in producing the best end result. (He was dealing with the upper crust, of course.)

Soon his business grew to the point where he couldn’t keep up, so he bought himself … Read the rest...

More Gross Than Not

Category: Rated G

There was a Frenchman who was involved in a severe car accident. His body was damaged to such an extent that the doctors and surgeons could only save one lung, a piece of brain, and his vocal chords.

Because they had managed such a miracle as to keep this man alive, and sane, and healthy over all the time it took for recovery, his first trip out of the hospital was a big press event.

Unfortunately, the nurse wheeling him … Read the rest...

Shaggy Lop-Ear

Category: Rated G

I like this one, of course, because I wrote it.

Here in the Pharmacy School, we have a 10 inch ledge which runs all the way around the fifth floor of the the building. Those little, furry animals with bushy tails have taken to running around on the ledge seeking the frequent handouts that certain faculty members give them. Outside my office, however, they prefer to sit quietly and listen to my shaggy dog stories. This goes to show, of … Read the rest...

  • Welcome to the new home of Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots. At least 3057 horrible puns, shaggy dogs, groaners, and feghoots. And a couple of good ones.

    In Defense of Shaggy Dog Stories

    From Whence the Nomenclature Shaggy Dog

    Note: Some of these entries can be a bit on the racy side. And some should probably not be read by the more easily offended. All such posts are tagged "Adult Theme", "Politically Incorrect", or "PG-13" as appropriate.

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