Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


The Wisdom of Birds

Category: Rated PG-13

his was posted a year or two ago by H. Payne. I had not heard it before.


Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, “A little birdie told me.” Did you know they probably aren’t lying? It is a little known fact that there ARE little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. – Thus, these creatures are called “Flies Unseen Everywhere” or FUE for short. These birds… Read the rest...

Life and Death of the Matador

Category: Rated G

Other than its being slightly obscure (heh, heh, heh), what can I say?


Even though they live lives of lonely danger in front of the crowd, matadors are seldom killed in their work, and they usually retire to live to ripe old ages. When a matador dies young, it is usually a mysterious event. Therefore, when they find a dead matador, the police are well advised to remember this old maxim: Always questionable.… Read the rest...

History Decontructed

Category: Cartoon Puns, Rated G

This is modified from a Frank and Ernest cartoon by former punster of the year, Bob Thaves.


In addition to what we normally hear in history class, the famous early-19th century French general was not only reponsible for a revolution in military strategy, but also he helped develop certain pieces of weaponry such as the hand grenade. The only problem occurred when a friend asked him what would happen if one of his weapons was detonated on the kitchen floor. … Read the rest...

Musician’s Undoing

Category: Rated G

When I first heard this story, it was about Beethoven, but this from Ulf Zimmerman is more elegant.


Following Chopin’s death, there was a tremendous crowd that followed his funeral train and stood by the grave. When these folks finally disappeared and no one was left but the couple of gravediggers who were going to fill up and close the grave, one of these guys said, We should open up the coffin and have a look at Chopin. That way… Read the rest...

Fish and Chips

Category: Rated G

This is an old tale. Various versions can be found on the internet.


We recently took a trip to Merrie Olde, and we enjoyed it very much. The service was good and the food was much better than we had been told to expect. We ordered at a small fish and chips shoppe in the English Midlands, and we couldn’t believe the size of the portion of fish that came. It was unbelievably large and it was even more delicious.. … Read the rest...

Salmon Story

Category: Rated G

In ancient times, workers in a popular deli were told that they could eat anything they wanted during lunch hour — anything, that is, except the very expensive smoked salmon. Thus, were created the world’s first anti-lox breaks!… Read the rest...

A Ship of Another Color

Category: Rated G

Paints were a very precious quantity in the good old days, and British merchants could make a young fortune supplying paints to the colonies. One company sent a clipper ship full of red paint across the ocean. It had the very bad luck to collide with another ship full of blue paint. As a result of this disaster, both crews were marooned.… Read the rest...

Male Bonding

Category: Rated G

by Alan B. Combs

Pierce Brosnan is one of my favorite actors. I liked him in “Remington Steele” and I think he makes an excellent Agent 007 — effective, humorous, and dangerous. However, in the time between his stint as Reminton Steele and his playing James Bond, Pierce’s career fell into the pits. It was not certain that he would make it in acting, and several of his paternal uncles advised him to go into family businesses with them. One … Read the rest...

My Days as a Landlord, and How They Ended (long)

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was posted on alt.callahans by Stark Night (aka Sean Roberts).


Starknight looks up from his drink. “I have a confession to make; I was once in jail in Derry. The story of how it came about, though, is interesting…

“You see, one of my relatives (a 3rd cousin twice-removed on my mother’s side of the family) was a landowner in Ireland. He had a small dairy, some pasture lands, and about 10 acres of crops. All in all, a … Read the rest...

Foo, man, chew

Category: Rated G

Charlotte H. reminds us of this old classic.


This is a story about the famous Chinese general Fu Man Chu who went to invade Siberia during the winter. One of the defending Siberian generals had spies who would run up into the mountains, spy on the Chinese, and return with messages about the state of the invaders. During one night, there was a terrible snow and ice storm, and the renowned Chu was said to have died from the cold.… Read the rest...