Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Knock, Knock

Category: Rated G

Generally, I do not feel that shaggy dogs involving invented words or names are of the highest quality, though clearly there are many of them. This example may not be venerable, but it is ancient.


A family owned a beautiful piano, but it needed tuning. They hear of a terrific piano tuner in town named Opporknockity. They call, he comes, and he tunes the piano quickly and precisely.

A year later, they decide to have it tuned again, and call … Read the rest...

Alaska Chauvanism

Category: Rated PG-13

I don’t think this is new, but G.R. Briggs posted the first version I have see.


It’s true! Alaska has the distinction of having the northern-most, Eastern-most and Western-most parts of the USofA. When it comes to such distinctions, Alaska has more-than-most! Actually, I heard they were going to split Alaska in two, so that Texas would be demoted to third largest state. (:

All of this reminds me of the story about two woodpeckers. One from Alaska, one from … Read the rest...

Hardware

Category: Rated PG-13

This is an *OLD* tale, which I most recently saw posted by The Tattooed One in alt.humor.puns.


It has to do with the sexual offender who was incarcerated in the State Asylum for the Criminally Insane. He escaped from this facility and immediately went back to his old, evil habits.

The local newspaper described the episode as, “Nut bolts and screws.”… Read the rest...

A Spud Missile

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

I first saw the first version in a post by R. Knauerhase. This tale gives all indications of having been a feghoot at one time.


Imagine a land populated by sentient potatoes. It’s ruled by a benevolent monarch, whom the entire population loves. The King and his Queen have a daughter, Princess Idaho. One day, the king decides his daughter is old enough to marry, so that the monarchy will continue after he is gone. So, they schedule a Grand … Read the rest...

Lohengrin

Category: Rated G

The author of this is not known. Interestingly, while searching for the author, I found the name in the punchline actually belonged to a famous Chinese character.


Buddhism, as you probably know started with Siddhartha Gautama in about 600 B.C. at or around Varanasi, India. From there it drifted across the subcontinent, until it reached the Silk Road to the northwest. It traveled east from there and wound up in China and Japan, where it ran up against the Pacific … Read the rest...

Ripping off an Indian

Category: Rated G

This is an *old* classic that keeps coming around in various versions on the Internet.


A Indian Holy Man visited New York City, and stoped at a butcher shop to buy some liver. The butcher was teaching his nephew how to cheat such visitors in the classical manner and pushed down with his thumb on the scale while measuring the meat. The nephew was not too smart, and he asked his uncle to explain again exactly what he should do. … Read the rest...

The Wisdom of Birds

Category: Rated PG-13

his was posted a year or two ago by H. Payne. I had not heard it before.


Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, “A little birdie told me.” Did you know they probably aren’t lying? It is a little known fact that there ARE little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere. – Thus, these creatures are called “Flies Unseen Everywhere” or FUE for short. These birds… Read the rest...

Life and Death of the Matador

Category: Rated G

Other than its being slightly obscure (heh, heh, heh), what can I say?


Even though they live lives of lonely danger in front of the crowd, matadors are seldom killed in their work, and they usually retire to live to ripe old ages. When a matador dies young, it is usually a mysterious event. Therefore, when they find a dead matador, the police are well advised to remember this old maxim: Always questionable.… Read the rest...

History Decontructed

Category: Cartoon Puns, Rated G

This is modified from a Frank and Ernest cartoon by former punster of the year, Bob Thaves.


In addition to what we normally hear in history class, the famous early-19th century French general was not only reponsible for a revolution in military strategy, but also he helped develop certain pieces of weaponry such as the hand grenade. The only problem occurred when a friend asked him what would happen if one of his weapons was detonated on the kitchen floor. … Read the rest...

Musician’s Undoing

Category: Rated G

When I first heard this story, it was about Beethoven, but this from Ulf Zimmerman is more elegant.


Following Chopin’s death, there was a tremendous crowd that followed his funeral train and stood by the grave. When these folks finally disappeared and no one was left but the couple of gravediggers who were going to fill up and close the grave, one of these guys said, We should open up the coffin and have a look at Chopin. That way… Read the rest...