Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


It’s an Ill Wind

Category: Rated G

by Alan B. Combs (it’s no one else’s fault)

This is the story of a fellow that spent the early part of his life working in a photo-development studio. It was a small studio, but he worked hard and developed a large clientele of people who took their film to him to be developed. His control of the chemistry and technology of photography was excellent. In fact, he was given the nickname “Prints” by his grateful customers.

You must, of … Read the rest...

Turning over a New Leaf

Category: Rated G

This is another old pun. I owe this version to Steve Poge.


When Leif Ericson returned from his New World voyage, he found that his name had been dropped from the registry of his hometown. He reported the omission to the chief town official who, deeming it a slight to a distinguished citizen, protested strongly to the district census taker.

“I’m terribly sorry”, apologized that officer in great embarrassment. “I must have taken Leif off my census”!… Read the rest...

Embellishment

Category: Rated G

It’s so old, I almost hate to add it, but for the sake of completeness, we present this very old classic.


A very notable scientist invented the first machine that could successfully clone a human being. He decided to test it out on himself, and lo and behold, an exact replica of him appeared at the other end. The scientist was very excited that his machine worked, but when he talked to his duplicate, his clone cursed at him and … Read the rest...

Feghoot and Annihilation

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

by Alan B. Combs (based on a character originally created by Reginald Bretnor)

One thing you can say about ancient Egyptian society is that both genders were equally prized. In fact, one of the most famous pharaohs had many wives, most of whom bore him female children. Eventually, as was frequently the case with such polygamous societies, he had dozens of girls running all around the place. Pharaoh loved them each and every one, and he filled one of the … Read the rest...

Baywatch

Category: Rated G

A version of this story, shaggier than most, was supplied to me by Steven Wilson. However, this tale is nearly as old as Tony Bennett.


Once upon a time there were 2 brothers, Peter and Sam Frank. Peter was a very good boy. He was the sort not to pull the legs off spiders, and he helped old ladies across the street. Sam on the other hand was very bad. He pulled the legs off spiders, he abused mice and… Read the rest...

Knock, Knock

Category: Rated G

Generally, I do not feel that shaggy dogs involving invented words or names are of the highest quality, though clearly there are many of them. This example may not be venerable, but it is ancient.


A family owned a beautiful piano, but it needed tuning. They hear of a terrific piano tuner in town named Opporknockity. They call, he comes, and he tunes the piano quickly and precisely.

A year later, they decide to have it tuned again, and call … Read the rest...

Alaska Chauvanism

Category: Rated PG-13

I don’t think this is new, but G.R. Briggs posted the first version I have see.


It’s true! Alaska has the distinction of having the northern-most, Eastern-most and Western-most parts of the USofA. When it comes to such distinctions, Alaska has more-than-most! Actually, I heard they were going to split Alaska in two, so that Texas would be demoted to third largest state. (:

All of this reminds me of the story about two woodpeckers. One from Alaska, one from … Read the rest...

Hardware

Category: Rated PG-13

This is an *OLD* tale, which I most recently saw posted by The Tattooed One in alt.humor.puns.


It has to do with the sexual offender who was incarcerated in the State Asylum for the Criminally Insane. He escaped from this facility and immediately went back to his old, evil habits.

The local newspaper described the episode as, “Nut bolts and screws.”… Read the rest...

A Spud Missile

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

I first saw the first version in a post by R. Knauerhase. This tale gives all indications of having been a feghoot at one time.


Imagine a land populated by sentient potatoes. It’s ruled by a benevolent monarch, whom the entire population loves. The King and his Queen have a daughter, Princess Idaho. One day, the king decides his daughter is old enough to marry, so that the monarchy will continue after he is gone. So, they schedule a Grand … Read the rest...

Lohengrin

Category: Rated G

The author of this is not known. Interestingly, while searching for the author, I found the name in the punchline actually belonged to a famous Chinese character.


Buddhism, as you probably know started with Siddhartha Gautama in about 600 B.C. at or around Varanasi, India. From there it drifted across the subcontinent, until it reached the Silk Road to the northwest. It traveled east from there and wound up in China and Japan, where it ran up against the Pacific … Read the rest...