Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


My Days as a Landlord, and How They Ended (long)

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was posted on alt.callahans by Stark Night (aka Sean Roberts).


Starknight looks up from his drink. “I have a confession to make; I was once in jail in Derry. The story of how it came about, though, is interesting…

“You see, one of my relatives (a 3rd cousin twice-removed on my mother’s side of the family) was a landowner in Ireland. He had a small dairy, some pasture lands, and about 10 acres of crops. All in all, a … Read the rest...

Foo, man, chew

Category: Rated G

Charlotte H. reminds us of this old classic.


This is a story about the famous Chinese general Fu Man Chu who went to invade Siberia during the winter. One of the defending Siberian generals had spies who would run up into the mountains, spy on the Chinese, and return with messages about the state of the invaders. During one night, there was a terrible snow and ice storm, and the renowned Chu was said to have died from the cold.… Read the rest...

String Theory (A Naughty Solution)

Category: Rated G

I first heard this story from Carl Erickson. It is an old classic, a sad tale of discrimination and deception.


Two strings went bar hopping one evening. However, they had wandered into a part of town that didn’t cotton to strings very much, and they had a hard time getting served. They would go into a bar and order beers. The bartender would look at them and say, “We don’t serve strings around here!”, and would throw them out.

This … Read the rest...

Fearsome Nathan

Category: Rated G

I was not familiar with this story, previously, but Brian says that it is the first shaggy dog that he ever heard. There is a certain rudimentary charm, for all of that.


This story has to do with a young man who was deathly afraid of snakes. It is difficult to emphasize enough his horrible snake phobia. The most dangerous, deadly serpent in his corner of the world was a snake called Nathan. To make a short story longer, Nate … Read the rest...

Charley Chan

Category: Rated G

This shaggy dog was in one of the old Charley Chan movies (really!).


We all remember (those with gray hair do, anyway) that Charley Chan was a famous detective in the movies. Frequently, he was helped by his Number-One-Son who was there mostly for comedy relief. One of the movies featured a case in which Charley Chan’s house, itself, was burglarized. What had been stolen was a set of exquisite, dark, hard-wood carvings that were particularly loved by Mr. Chan. … Read the rest...

His Antsy Friends

Category: Rated G

Understanding this tale by Stan Kegel may depend upon how old you are.


My Uncle Jim did not appear to be much for words. Nor, was he ever seen to have friends or pets. We thought he was the primordial loner, until one time we caught him with his ant farm. He loved the creatures. He knew more about ants than I knew about the streets in our little town, and he loved to talk about them. Indeed, it was … Read the rest...

Nearly a Feghoot

Category: Rated G

This is an old classic in a modernistic guise. I thank the person from alt.humor.puns who sent me the premise to this. The very first Feghoot (No. I) has the same punchline.


The first man to reach Mars had barely crawled out of his spaceship when he was approached by a group of strange-looking creatures. They had faces covered with long green hair with eyes that looked like the headlights of a subway train. “Who are you?”, gasped the astronaut.… Read the rest...

Foolish Bets

Category: Rated G

The local track racing and betting in the local town of Manor has recently fallen upon hard times. It is easy to understand how people might fail to see the foolishness of betting on the ponies, but that shouldn’t be the case with some people. Recently, I saw some real cowgirls at the racetrack, and to my surprise, these people that should know horses were constantly choosing horses that came in last place. No matter what scheme they used, they … Read the rest...

Mimetic

Category: Rated G

This one, related to a current TV advertising cliche, is much newer than many. It already has a life of its own, however.


In a recent NBC poll in which people were asked whether they would prefer to kill a minstrel, or to kill a mime. Nearly 83 percent chose to shoot the minstrel. You see, they all agreed that a mime is a terrible thing to waste.… Read the rest...

Computer Nerds

Category: Rated G

By Alan Combs

Do NOT under any circumstances consider that there is anything autobiographical about this one.


As is the case with Rodney Dangerfield, computer savants don’t get no respect. Personally, we can only bemoan this tragic situation, but sometimes it is deserved when computer nerds get out of their specific areas of expertise. A recent example occurred in a local unnamed department.

One of the department members wanted to place a large graphic into a color presentation. The picture … Read the rest...