Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


A Trip to Sea World

Category: Rated G

This was posted by Steve Poge.


On a recent trip to Sea World, we were particularly impressed by the “Penguin Encounter”. We looked all over the enclosure to see all the little penguins and puffins. Down at the far end there was a little male puffin in a lady’s dress, pulling rabbits out of a hat, and doing all sorts of other tricks. We called him “Drag, the Magic Puffin”… Read the rest...

Taken to the Cleaners

Category: Rated G

I received this from Mike Brimberry. I don’t know its history before that.


The other day I was eating in an Italian restaurant when I accidentally spilled some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white sweater. I wasn’t too distressed, though, because Mr. Wong down on High Street has been doing my laundry for years, and I knew that he could remove just about any stain and get it out like it’d never been there.

So I took the sweater down … Read the rest...

Feghoot IX: What-so-ever-you-so, sew shall you reap

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

This was posted by Mike Mahnken.


By the 60’s, “Through Time and Space with Ferdinand Feghoot” was a reguler end-filler in the Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction (F&SF), where he shared experiences like the trip to a planet where there were two species of humanoids. The sentient species valued the hams of the non-sentient species, so much so, that they raised the lower humanoids as a cash crop. Naturally, the best selling book on that planet was “The Fanny … Read the rest...

Couch PUNtatoes (Couch PUNtatoes? It makes me quail.)

Category: Rated G

This is by Alan B. Combs


Exercise and entertainment. Entertainment and exercise. We need both, but usually these things are mutually incompatible. Exercising is not fun and entertainment turns me even more into a couch potato.

This problem is not restricted to my own experience, however. Other people have dealt with the problem and the solution varies from one person to another. For example, some close friends were involved in Korean marital (no, no, martial — typing is so *critical*) … Read the rest...

Moonlighting

Category: Rated G

I recently saw this posted by Steve Poge.


Two contestants on a TV game show were in the final round. Mr. Cohn was way ahead of Mr. Schine, but just as the buzzer was rung, Schine slipped ahead, and won!

When asked what prize he wanted, Mr. Schine stated that he wanted a horse. The game show host asked why, and was told, “I want a horse so I can name it ‘Harvest Moon.'”

Then, I can have a portrait … Read the rest...

Native Dessert

Category: Rated G

By Alan B. Combs. This is my version of a much older story I have known for a *long* time.


When good old Chief Shortcake died, the whole tribe mourned and the lamentations of his faithful squaw were heard for miles around. Neighboring chiefs arrived in full pomp and ceremony and announced, “We come to make funeral for Chief Shortcake.”

“Not on your life,” announced his widow, “Squaw bury Shortcake!”… Read the rest...

Lunch on the Beach

Category: Rated G

I originally saw this posted by Steve Poge.


A creature rose up out of the surf and came sloshing ashore. Its garments were made of green sea lettuce. “I am the friendly Witch of the Sand,” she said, “and I am only going to sunbathe.” The sun was terribly hot. Her skin began to bake and it turned as red as a ripe tomato!! Have you ever seen a baking lettuce and tomato Sand Witch?… Read the rest...

Red Salmon Tale

Category: Rated G

Another from Steve Poge.


At the end of a long day, all the fisherman had caught was one small, red salmon. He was about to kill it when the salmon shouted, “Wait, I’m much too small!”

“Wow!, a talking salmon”, the fisherman exclaimed, “What’s your name?

“Rusty,” replied the salmon. “Please throw me back into the sea!” The fisherman did so.

About a year later, the man was fishing the same spot when he again caught Rusty! “Amazing”, exclaimed the … Read the rest...

A Classical Shaggy Dog with Computers

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

This was created by Phil Stracchino, aka Alaric, The Renaissance Man, and was posted in alt.callahans. All the punmasters fell to their knees when faced with this work, but like Arnold, they will be back (or was that MacArthur who was planning to return?).


“My Monday wasn’t great, either,” Alaric replies. “But take comfort – it could have been a LOT worse. I remember one truly, wretchedly, appallingly awful Monday morning beside which yours pales by comparison.”

He pauses, since … Read the rest...

Running Pun

Category: Rated G

A version of this was posted by Steve Poge.


Bo Johnson won first prize in the decathlon at the 1992 Olympic Games. As is the custom, his wife Judy was asked to present the wreath to the victor. It was Bo’s first time in the Olympics, so he didn’t know what to do with the wreath and just flung it over his arm! Immediately, a voice from the stands shouted, “Judy’s garland goes somewhere over the brain, Bo!”

And the … Read the rest...