Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Shaggy Lop-Ear

Category: Rated G

I like this one, of course, because I wrote it.


Here in the Pharmacy School, we have a 10 inch ledge which runs all the way around the fifth floor of the the building. Those little, furry animals with bushy tails have taken to running around on the ledge seeking the frequent handouts that certain faculty members give them. Outside my office, however, they prefer to sit quietly and listen to my shaggy dog stories. This goes to show, of … Read the rest...

Office Protocol

Category: Rated G

Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3×5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out. Joe wrote, “The office workers should all be given raises!” When he looked at Frank’s card, it said “Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, … Read the rest...

The Bell Makers

Category: Rated G

This pun is by Bennet Cerf, that most prolific writer and collector of puns.


Long ago, in a small country in Europe, one family had for centuries made all the bells for the churches in the village. Finally, only one member of the bell-making family was left, and he was also the mayor of the town. Feeling threatened by competition, the mayor decreed that no wedding bells might be rung in the village unless they were made by him. He… Read the rest...

The Gnu Mutation (Feghoot XXXVIII)

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

By Reginald Bretnor writing as Grendel Briarton, with thanks given to J.C. Owens.


On July 4th, 2007, Ferdinand Feghoot addressed the D.A.R.’s National Convention, hastily substituting for Robert A. Heinlein, who had been delayed on the Moon. Not knowing that his audience expected a more appropriate theme, he spoke on the many new nations of Africa.

“And in conclusion,” he finally remarked, “I must mention the fascinating Republic of Gnus. We all know how, after the African bomb tests, the … Read the rest...

The Graduate Student

Category: Rated G

This is another variant of this common horsey pun.


There was this kindly professor who took on an errant graduate student. This student had difficulty making anything work. She was late, she broke things. She wasted reagents and never cleaned up after herself. However, she was always pleasant, and she treated the professor and his profession with utmost respect. This was uplifting and very pleasant for him.

So, when the inevitable time came for him to drop her he felt … Read the rest...

An Old Fuel

Category: Rated G

Thanks, Charlotte.


In the old days on the plains, cow patties were in great demand, since they made great fuel for the cold Winter evenings. Tribes bartered and traded this form of manure. One day some new faces showed up and identified themselves as the Grood. The Grood must have been from the East coast, because they were not hip to the ways of the plains, as the locals found out one day. A couple of women were gathering fuel… Read the rest...

Soviet Invasion

Category: Rated G

A man fleeing the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia tried to take refuge from the soldiers in a store. “I’m sorry sir,” said the owner, “No Czechs cached here.”… Read the rest...

More Tarzan

Category: Rated G

The Head of a large Department in my university gave me this. Perhaps, it is worth money that I not tell who she is.

Tarzan swings into the tree house after work and asks Jane if she has prepared the martinis. Jane says, “Oh Tarzan, we don’t have any snacks to go with the cocktails.”

Tarzan swings back out of the tree house into the forest and comes across two Golden Finches which he catches in each hand and knocks … Read the rest...

The Busy Poet

Category: Rated G

This homepage, of course, reminds me of the poet, so devoted, so totally devoted to his work — that he would rise in the morning, and immediately begin penning new couplets and rhymes. So devoted, mind you, that he did nothing else. In fact, it was said that he only went from bed to verse.… Read the rest...

Feghoot XLI: Feghoot and the Mother of Pearl

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

Capt. Ferdinand Feghoot, the famous interplanetary explorer, had arrived at Planet Pearl to pay his respects to its queen, the renowned Mother of Pearl. As was typical, she was the largest and shiniest Pearl on the planet.

Unfortunately, word reached him that the queen was very distraught. Her most trusted adviser Micheal, a lawyer, was committing suicide by walking into the Ammonia Sea. The suicide was a slow one because it would take weeks for Micheal to dissolve.

Capt. Feghoot … Read the rest...