Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Hunting Secrets

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

I found this posted by Gabriel Knight (aka John Blair) on alt.callahans.


Very early one morning two Brooklyn birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil (courtesy of Exxon Valdez, perhaps?). They see a worm on the other side. So… the one flies over and the other one swims through – which one gets to the worm first?

The one who swam, of course, because “Da oily boid gets da woim.”… Read the rest...

Evil Genealogy

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was posted by Tom Smith, the Filker, on alt.callahans. This link is to his site.


And, I can always go for a little idle worship. In fact, one of my favorite grade-school Show & Tell projects involved me kidnapping my sister’s vast Barbie doll collection, dressing them as various pagan goddesses, and hanging them on the elm out front. Instead of the usual Trinity, this work showed the entire family history of The Maiden, The Mother, and The Crone. … Read the rest...

Reza Pahlavi

Category: Rated G

by Alan B. Combs


It is easy to forget history. I know I am guilty of it. The tendency is that anything that happened before our time just doesn’t exist. We are especially guilty of not paying attention to recent history in the Middle East, that continuous inflagration of politics and warfare. I present the following as an example.

Recently, I overheard a couple of the undergraduate students talking about Modern Persia, a country which currently is under the less-than-benevolent … Read the rest...

Safe-keeping

Category: Rated G

This was originally posted by Steve Poge. I hadn’t come across it before.


The financial situation had been very bad for several months. Because he was out of work and destitute, a young man decided to rob a bank. After days of observation, he chose a small satellite bank facility across the metropolitan area from where he was living. He spent several days planning every move. Late one dark and moonless night he picked the lock on the rear door … Read the rest...

Mercy, Mercy

Category: Rated G

The following version of this *OLD* pun was recently posted by Steve Poge. Many variants exist, including one written by Donald Honig in “Bred any Good Rooks Lately?”. Ted Brett also has a version in his book.


A man had been feeling really bad for about 3 weeks, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor said, “Look, I don’t know what you’ve got, but it could be serious, so why don’t you go to this specialist I know.” … Read the rest...

Pun Jungle

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

I found this posted on alt.callahans by Gabriel Knight (aka John Blair).


A lion was prancing through the jungle one day, roaring at the top of his voice for all to hear, “I am king of the jungle, for my mighty strength and great prowess strike fear into all other creatures!”

An eagle lands on a nearby tree branch and says, “Not so fast, Leo, buddy!” “For it is I who am the rightful king of the jungle, as my … Read the rest...

A Clean Sweep

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was posted on alt.callahans by Gabriel Knight (aka John Blair).


A friend and I were standing inside a building of a local theme park. We were looking outside, and it was an extremely windy day. The area’s custodian, the one who had the job of sweeping up debris, was a very small woman (4’10”, 90lbs). My friend joked with the lady, telling her that she would have to put heavy rocks in her shoes when she went outside to … Read the rest...

Kurdistan Tale

Category: Rated G

I first saw this in a posting by Steve Poge.


Once upon a time, about 4000 years ago, a great army of Kurds (from Kurdistan in Iraq) swept across the Middle East, conquering vast areas of land. They pushed westward until they reached what is the present state of Israel. There, they met staunch resistance from a small tribe of mountain dwellers called the Yerms. The Yerms were wonderful archers. They would simply wait in the hills until the Kurds … Read the rest...

Baylor Mascot

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

A version of this was posted on alt.callahans by Natalie Sera who asks that we be sure to report it was first told to her by her friend Mariann Benson. Thanks, and I hadn’t heard it before.


It has been my experience down here in Texas that they play *serious* football. Even the mascots are generally serious. In Houston, they have a cougar. At Texas, they have a longhorn steer. And, at Baylor, they have a bear.

This story is … Read the rest...

Cementing Relationships

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was originally posted by Hodgepodge in alt.callahans.


A very strange thing happened here in suburbia a few days ago…

This past weekend, I noticed a neighbor of mine repairing his sidewalk. He had removed a number of broken sections (thanks to numerous trees in his yard). He had rented a cement mixer (portable – not a truck). He was laying new forms for the cement. He was allmost ready to pour the cement which would form a new, flat … Read the rest...