Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Getting a Bang Out of It

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This one was posted by Dr. Rob (Hampson) [rhampson@wfubmc.edu]. Bless his heart, another pharmacologist in alt.callahans.

Speaking of travels, I heard that when Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren’t quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 9, 1998 at 3:47 pm
filed in alt.callahans, Rated G
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How clothes can you come?

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was posted very recently on alt.callahans by the punster Liquor.

Liquor is not sure if anyone here has ever heard of the great oriental Temple of Humor. “That’s just about as likely as this ball,” he says throwing a small rubber ball over his left shoulder as he speaks, “not bouncing.”

The ball manages to land on the plate of a patron near the back of the bar – and sticks to whatever was there. “Nosh hit, sheer luck,” … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 8, 1998 at 3:47 pm
filed in alt.callahans, Rated G

Madonna in Henna

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

Nozz (AKA Tim Williams) posted this variant on a theme on alt.callahans. The author is unknown. The earliest version I found on the internet was as a “knock knock” joke.

And now for a short love story…

I used to know two hens named Tina and Marge and we had a lot of fun together. But, when I met my true love, Martha, I called them up on the phone and said, “I’ve met the love of my life. I … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 7, 1998 at 3:46 pm
filed in alt.callahans, Rated G
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Lordly Pun

Category: Rated G

I have tried (a lot) to sanitize this one and still retain the flavor. I received it from Mitch who should still get the credit/blame.

Moishe, the tailor, was busy at his shop one day when in walked Jesus. Jesus said he needed to be fitted for a new robe. Moishe measures Him and asks, “Well Lord, I suppose you want the same type robe I’ve made for you before?”

Jesus replies, “Yes, that will be fine, Moishe.”

Then Moishe … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 6, 1998 at 3:45 pm
filed in Rated G

Feghoot and the Vampires

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

This was posted by Betty Johnson on alt.humor.puns. I have not been able to determine if it is one of the original Feghoots.

I believe one episode had Feghoot travel into the future with a couple of vampires, who discovered to their dismay that the only life form existing on the planet was a race of giant turnips. Feghoot survived, but his traveling companions both died.

As everyone knows, you can’t . . .… Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 5, 1998 at 3:45 pm
filed in Original Feghoots, Rated G
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Roche’s Limit

Category: Rated G

My fraternity brother, ConnieGS sent me this one. Such a sweet, innocent child….

Every night, Frank would go down to the liquor store, get a six-pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.

The next night, after he finished … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 4, 1998 at 3:44 pm
filed in Rated G

The Playground

Category: Rated G

This is an original from Stan Kegel.

I took my two sons, ages seven and five, to the playground at our local park. My seven year old was very proud as he was able to read the sign with all the rules to his brother. “Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion.” “Go down the slide while sitting only.” “Only one child on a swing at a time.”

There were about twenty rules and the boys promised to … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 3, 1998 at 3:43 pm
filed in Rated G
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Overtime for Stuntmen

Category: Rated G

A version of this pun is in Crosbie’s Dictionary Of Puns and another variant is in Himie Koshevoy’s “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”

A Hollywood stuntman who could perform any deed was hired to perform in a thrilling Western movie. The script called for the stuntman to become a kind of springboard. To help the white settlers escape from the persuing Indians, the script called for the daredevil to lie on a cliff’s edge and push out as far as … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 2, 1998 at 3:42 pm
filed in Rated G
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Deep Six for Deep Space Nine

Category: Rated G

Another original creation (by Chris Cole)……shrugs shoulders….oh well.

This seaon’s final episode of Star Trek — Deep Space Nine will involve having Dax (Curzon Dax, to be exact) single-handedly devising a clever strategy, wherein she/he will use her/his impressive Trill abilities to foil the entire enemy armada in one fell swoop. In the episode’s closing scene, Dax will savor the climactic battle’s sweet conclusion by breaking into a beautiful, joyous song. Quark will close out the episode in his usual … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 1, 1998 at 3:42 pm
filed in Rated G
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Helsinki Discords

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

by Alan B. Combs

For many of the patrons of the alt.callahans, it is time to go into hibernation for four or five months. For others, life begins this week. Happy, happy, joy, joy — real NFL football is back!

Though, it must be admitted that there are a few souls for whom it is not true, there are those lucky ones for whom footballness is next to godliness. The rabid nature of support for one’s preferred team, the elation … Read the rest…

No Comments posted by Alan B. Combs on February 1, 1998 at 2:41 pm
filed in alt.callahans, Rated G
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