This was posted by Stan Kegel onto the groaners listserv.
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift … Read the rest…
The eightieth episode from Paul DeAnguera.
As the H.M.S. Legume approached South America, Emma peered eastward from the crow’s nest. “How are you doing up there?” the First Mate called impatiently.
“Chile!” she called out, not attending to him.
“Do you want your astrakhan?” he asked.
“Camana!” she shouted, which might have led to a misunderstanding. But at this point there was a general outcry as land came into view from the frigate’s deck. Soon they dropped anchor outside of … Read the rest…
Spanking clean riddles for Thanksgiving. Yea. These were posted by Stan Kegel on several of his listservs.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A Turkey.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age
Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such fowl … Read the rest…
Right up to the minute, these come from the groaners listserv. Take care of your cars, folks. Seriously!
Grope discounts available.
Can’t see London, can’t see France, unless we see your underpants.
If we did our job any better, we’d have to buy you dinner first.
Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady.
Don’t worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.
Throw a few back at the airport Chili’s and you won’t even notice.… Read the rest…
This is from one of my students, Linda Therrio. In the deep and all-important world of college football, this IS the week for such stories.
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “Texas A & M.”
And they say blondes are dumb.… Read the rest…
This Thanksgiving sequence is from the groaners listserv:
What does a turkey with a sore throat say?
Gargle, Gargle, Gargle.
What does a turkey with club feet say?
Hobble, Hobble, Hobble.
What does a dyslexic turkey say?
Boggle, Boggle, Boggle.
What does a turkey with a lame leg say?
Waddle, Waddle, Waddle
What does a turkey with a bladder problem say?
Puddle, Puddle, Puddle
What does a turkey with an invisible handicap … Read the rest…
A seasonal offering from the PUNY listserv.
A yam: First person singular present of “to be” as in, “A yam very happy that everyone was able to be here tonight” (Cynthia MacGregor)
Breast: The part of the bird little kids love to ask for because they’re getting away with saying one of “those” words without getting punished for it (Cynthia MacGregor)
Brussels Sprouts: Das Kindergartners (in my best fractured pseudoFlemish) (Bob Dvorak)
Candied Yams: Descartes telling it like it is… … Read the rest…
A timely item from the groaners listserv.
The leftovers beckoned…the dark meat and white,
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation,
the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,… Read the rest…
Paul DeAnguera’s story continues.
“Now, you might suppose that crossing the Pacific would be really boring,” the First Mate told Wang Mang as they descended from the maindeck. “But don’t worry! This ship was built for long crossings. Have you noticed how tall this stairway is?” Wang Mang nodded.
“The shipyard that laid the H.M.S. Legume’s keel had never built a frigate before, and they underestimated the time required. They built their way diligently upward, but at length they realized … Read the rest…
This tale is by Ted Brett.
Perhaps one of the most common jobs for young people as they work their way through college or try to pick up some extra money while still in high school is to work at local supermarkets. Most start out as baggers at the check-out counters, but occasionally promotions and opportunities come along and the chance for a little more money becomes important.
One young man had worked bagging groceries for a year but never … Read the rest…
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