This wonderful, almost seasonal article is from Cousin Jo Anne.
As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay’s kids’ … Read the rest…
Paul Anguera continues his tale.
With the year dial of its chronomotor restored to 1812, the flying frigate H.M.S. Legume now proceeded across-country to the enemy capital. Drifting northward from the tidal basin, the ship cast a monstrous shadow over the memorial to the treasonous signers of the Declaration of Independence, the Society of the D.A.R. Library and the Zero Milestone. They heard musketfire in the distance, and saw Redcoats slipping through the rush-hour traffic on E Street. “What’s that … Read the rest…
This tale features characters from one of the world’s most famous virtual bars. The author of the tale is not known, but it is not Spider Robinson, the creator of the original ficton.
“It has to do with those two famous characters, Anakin and Luke Skywalker. The tale concerns that time when Anakin was going by the name of Vader, specifically the lightsaber battle … Read the rest…
Another entry from Paul DeAnguera.
“That business in Jamaica was a terrible trial,” the First Mate said to Captain Quid, luxuriating in his ability to use the letter “A” again. They were standing on the quarter-deck of the H.M.S. Legume by the starboard rail, watching the Mississippi shoreline drift past.
“Mentioning trials, we’ve got to arrange a trial for Sir Hillary before he escapes again.”
“Good idea. But where would we get a judge?”
“We can do better than a … Read the rest…
This tale appeared on the groaners listserv at this time of the season for several years.
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having … Read the rest…
Paul DeAnguera nears the end of his epic.
The First Officer noted his chief posed morosely in the coolness under the jib on the H.M.S. Legume’s port bow. “You seem troubled, sir,” he offered.
“Do you know why we’ve come to the West Indies?” Quid suddenly inquired.
“For the birds,” he recited, “for whose subtle drug-like pheromones the Chinese would pup… pup… would give much gold!”
“But the risk?” he growled.
“Only the loss of one vowel, sir,” sighed the … Read the rest…
Another punishing episode from Paul DeAnguera.
One morning some 120 years ago, the little town of Phoenix climbed out of its collective beds, glanced out its windows and shouted for joy. “Rain at last!” For a huge shadow lay across the thirsty desert. But when they looked up and saw that it was just a flying square-rigger, the smiles changed to curses and many fists were shaken at the wooden ship in the sky.
So Acting Sheriff Jack Swilling was … Read the rest…
This ender tale of temperance was posted on the groaners listserv. It has the flavor of an old story, but I was not familiar with it.
A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.
As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. … Read the rest…
This is from bro Tom Vickery. The whole concept makes me a little uneasy.
The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.
Sheila and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
“I figure that you would eventually … Read the rest…
This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. It sticks in my mind that I had a version of this one, but I cannot find any documentation of such.
Snow White received a camera as a gift. She joyfully took many pictures of the Dwarves, the forest, the animals, etc. She quickly finished her first roll, and immediately took the film into town to be developed.
“How long before they’re ready?” Snow asked the clerk.
He informed her … Read the rest…
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