This is from bwjokes.
A young American tourist goes on a guided tour of a creepy old castle. At the end of the tour the guide asks her how she enjoyed it. She admits to being a bit worried about seeing a ghost in some of the dark cobwebby rooms and passages.
“Don’t worry” says the guide, “I’ve never seen a ghost all the time I’ve been here.”
“How long is that?” asks the girl.
“About three hundred years.”
xkcd is a webcomic by Randall Munroe. Sometimes he includes puns that are usually of a mathematical and/or scientific nature.
This work is copyrighted and is licensed by xkcd under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Generic Licence.
Posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv, this contains admonitions we’ve all heard.
An inflatable student goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in history lesson, he gets up and walks out.
Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him.
He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again, “I hate school,” and pulls… Read the rest…
Irregular Webcomic! is by David Morgan-Mar. Occasionally, he includes wonderful puns. This one was originally published on October 13, 2006.
This work is copyrighted and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported Licence by David Morgan-Mar.
This tale has been bouncing around the internet. I received this version from Aunt Jimmie.
I had a flat tire Yesterday, so I got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out my cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear
of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life like you wouldn’t believe it!
Cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men which made it safer for me to… Read the rest…
From the groaners listserv, a tall horse tail.
A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours.
Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total isolation. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it… Read the rest…
From Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer.
Once upon a slime, a girl ghoul fell in love with a mummy. Alas, the girl ghoul did not know much about the proper care of mummies, and in a couple of weeks the mummy began to unravel and disintegrated. Which just goes to prove that a ghoul and her mummy are soon parted.
Then the ghoul fell in love with a little devil, who turned out to be a loving and… Read the rest…
This Aggie goes into a doctor’s office all cut up and bruised and the doctor says, “My goodness, what happened to you?” and the Aggie says, “Well I was in this horse race and I fell off my horse. And then the horse started jumping up and down on top of me.”
And the doctor says, “That must have been terrible!”
The Aggie replies “I know. I could have been killed if the Wal-Mart man hadn’t unplugged the machine.”
Words of advice for the bloggers and prolific email producers — from the groaners listserv.
In promulgating your esoteric cogitations, or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable, philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a clarified conciseness, a compact comprehensibility, coalescent consistency, and a concatenated cogency. Eschew all conglomerations of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descantings and unpremeditated expatiations have intelligibility and veracious vivacity, without rhodomontade or… Read the rest…
From the groaners listserv.
1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just beyond reach.
(The technical term for this force is “car suck”.)
2) The higher the quality of a catch or the comment it receives, the greater the probability of a crummy return throw.
(“Good catch… Bad throw.”)
3) One must never precede any maneuver by a comment more predictive than, “Watch this!”
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