Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Jim Macauley’s Bulwer-Lytton Entry

Category: Puns, Rated G

Jim Macauley sent in his rejected Bulwer-Lytton entry. I think we have better taste here than the Bulwer-Lytton judges do.


In the food preparation area of the Topkapi Palace in 15th century Istanbul, Mehmet, the master chef and author of the renowned “Dissertation on Desert Desserts,” was busy demonstrating that he could improve the flavor of most dishes with just a sheik of sultan pepper.… Read the rest…

What a Way to Go

Category: Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy, Shaggydog listserv

This has the flavor of an older tale. Stan Kegel posted it on the Puns and the Shaggy Dog Yahoogroups.


There are two guys in a bar.

One says, “Did your hear the news – Mike is dead!”

“Whoa, what the heck happened to him?” asks the other guy.

“Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom — He hit the curb, … Read the rest…

Bulwer Lytton (Combs’ Losing Entry, 2012)

Category: Adult Theme, Puns

Once again, through what can only be gross discrimination or uncommon good taste (pun intended), this wonderful entry fell flat. Well, there’s always next year.… Read the rest…


The thought that the world contains so many transgressors and so few reformers trying to put an end to their evil haunted the preacher as he tried to save those wretched cunnilinguists from their preferred depravity by alluding to their theological doom in his sermon, “Insinuate.”


Don’t Be Shellfish

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

Some black humor (or “humour”, as he would say) from Dave Wallace.


When Mr. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening the day after he’d lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well…tell me!” he demanded.

The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do … Read the rest…

Favorite Toys by Denomination

Category: Lists, Poetry, Politically Incorrect, Rated G

Thanks to Stan Kegel for this list.


Capitalism: He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishn:a He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism: He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Anglican: They were our toys first.
Greek Orthodox No, they were OURS first.
Lutheran: Our toys are nailed on the door.
Branch Davidians: He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
Atheism: There is no toy maker.
Polytheism: There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism: … Read the rest…

Where Do Astronauts Hang Out?

Category: Cartoon Puns, Rated G

Bob Dvorak sent this in. The original source is unknown.


Where do Austronauts Hang out?Read the rest…

A Classical Football Game

Category: Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G

This tale comes to us as the (Thank the Heavens) season begins. Gill Krebs posted it to yahoo’s pun group.


Julius Caesar, Mark Anthony, and Brutus decided to go to a football match one Saturday. Roma was playing local rival Sparta for the All Holy Roman Empire Cup. So Caesar organized the tickets and they all agreed to meet at the stadium at 3 p.m., just in time for the kick off.

Saturday arrived and Caesar and Mark Anthony took … Read the rest…

A Cowboy Tombstone

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah. This wisdom was contributed by Lowrie B.


FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It’s important to … Read the rest…

Pun in HTML

Category: Picture Pun, Rated G

This picture pun takes me back to the early days of the world wide web.


italics buildingRead the rest…

Am I Blue Ray?

Category: Picture Pun, Rated G

Yet another celebrity picture pun.


Ray - Blue RayRead the rest…