This was sent to me by Mitch Friedman.

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go into town and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back..”

“Where are you going, Coochy Coo…?” asked the wife.

“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.”

The wife says to him, “You want a beer, my love? Here.” She opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer brands from around the world.

The husband doesn’t know what to do. The only thing that he can think of saying is, “Yes, Sweetheart, but the bar…. you know…the frozen glass…”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, says, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”

“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?” She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.

“But, Sweet Honey,…at the bar…you know…the swearing, the words and all that…”

“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?… HERE, DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR FUCKING FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?!!”