Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Once a Pod a Time

Category: Rated G

Another Original from Chris Cole.


Various professions have lofty ideals they pursue. In the agricultural realm there is the pursuit of the perfectly-shaped pea. An annual contest is held in which randomly selected bushel baskets from each pea crop are given to professional sorters. Their goal is to eliminate all the odd-shaped peas from the batch, with only perfectly round peas remaining. The most offending shape to be discarded was that of a bell. Peas shaped like that were to be avoided at all cost. They were considered the grubbiest goobers of all.

The contestants took their task most seriously and the competition was very stiff. In the flurry of all the flying, discarded peas one bystander commented that he was moved by the sight of such an intense conflict resulting in such perfect peas, but any further comments were lost amidst the booing of the crowd at his remarks.

The winner of each year’s competition would receive a beautiful bronze plaque with his or her name inscribed on it, proclaiming that person to be the winner of the No Bell Peas Prize.

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