Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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On the Planet Called Egg (Feghoot XVI)

Category: Original Feghoots, Rated G

This is by Reginald Bretner writing under the pseudonym of Grendel Briarton.


It was in 3008 that Ferdinand Feghoot, singlehanded, rescued the Reverend Mahatma G. Birdshot from the primitive humanoids of the planet called Egg, who had decided to kill him.

The Eggians took to Feghoot at once. They brought him fresh fish, fruit, and strong native beer. They gave him a bevy of their fattest, most beautiful maidens to dance the notorious erotic dances of Egg for his benefit. And they told him indignantly that their King was enraged with the missionary because he had turned down these traditional gifts with contempt.

Every day, from his prison, the Reverend Birdshot saw Feghoot disporting himself with the dancing girls — especially with one, plumper than any, and the most expert performer of all, who was getting all sorts of special attentions, meals-between-meals and high-calory tidbits. Finally he could stand it no longer. “Libertine!” he cried out. “Go back to Earth! I would rather be martyred than accept rescue from you! What are you doing to that poor girl? Are you preparing her to serve your base lusts?”

“Hush, dear Brother,” replied Ferdinand Feghoot. “I am doing this only for you. I am fattening her up to send back to the King. Remember — a stuffed dancer turneth away wrath.”

(Copyright © 1959 by Mercury Press. First published in THE MAGAZINE OF FANTASY & SCIENCE FICTION, July 1959).

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