Olaf’s Jug

This came from the groaners listserv. The author is not known.

Olaf Bluechin was one of the mostfierce Vikings to ever sail the sea or raid a monastery. He took pride in his prowess, pillaging, raping and burning, and brought great bags of gold and silver trinkets home to his wife, Skadi.

One fine day Olaf went out to his longship to go a-viking with his men. They traveled the swan road for three days and nights, and came to a small island, and immediately went to work, raping, pillaging and burning. Olaf went into a small dark shop and found a little yellow man with slanted eyes hiding under a pile of silks.

He grabbed him, and was about to cut through his head with his axe, when the little man said, “Please, oh, great Olaf! Please spare me, and I will give you great power!”

Olaf snorted, “What can you give me that I can’t take from you?”

The little yellow man repleid, “I have a bottle of the most wonderful powerful potion. A few drops of it will destroy your enemies and cause their ships to explode!”

Olaf growled, “I don’t believe you! Show me this!”

The Chinaman (for that was what he was) produced a heavy jug and opened it. He sprinkled one small droplet on a table, and the table exploded. Olaf grabbed the jug, and despite the little man’s protests not to kill him, did just that.

With the jug in the prow of his longship, Olaf turned his sea steed towards home.

Three days later, he beached the boat and hauled the jug up the short hill to his cottage. He set the jug down inside the door, and went back to the ship for more of his booty.

Skadi took the huge iron cauldron and set it over the fire to begin Olaf’s supper.

Just then Olaf’s friend, Snorri, who had not gone a-viking this time, burst into the cottage, and demanded a drink.

Skadi turned to draw him a cool one from the barrel, but he saw Olaf’s jug, popped the cork, and took a monsterous swig.

“Gaggg! Baaagth!” Snorri spewed the liquid from his mouth into the cauldron.

And the world exploded.

Snorri was blown out the front door, what was left of it. The cauldron turned red, then white, then disintegrated. Skadi and the barrel went the other direction, and lay there on the ground, as bits of the house settled around her.

Just then Olaf ran up to the wreckage and saw Skadi crawling out from under part of the roof.

“Wha’ happened?” He cried, astonished.

Skadi shook her head and looked at him, scornfully and said, “And where were you when the spit hit the pan?”

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