Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Newer Deep Thoughts

Category: Rated G

Tom Vickery sent this list of mostly new considerations.


A. I was thinking about how the status symbols of today are those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can’t afford one, so I’m wearing my garage door opener.

B. You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me, anyway.

C. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

D. I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

E. I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it “Pumping Rust”

F. I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That’s when your chest is falling into your drawers.

G. You know when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say, “Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I wanted to say, “No, it’s for company!”

H. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

I. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, “A Good Doctor!”

J. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail.

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