New Drugs

This compilation is making the rounds. I received this one from Carol Eckert.

The Food and Drug Administration has just announced the following drugs have been released for trial in the U.S.

DAMITOL – Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

ST. MOM’S WORT – Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTNESTROGEN – Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait until they moved out.

PEPTOBIMBO – Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

DUMEROL – When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of western country music. (Combs note: This one is just wrong, of course.)

FLIPITOR – increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN – Potent antiBOYotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person….can we get naked now?”

BUYAGRA – Injective stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

BUY-ONE-AL – Extra Strength when combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osman CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

JACKASSPIRIN – Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT – A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

SEXCEDRIN – More effective than Excedrin in treating the, “Not now, dear, I have a headache,” syndrome.

RAGAMET – When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

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