By Alan B. Combs

These final weeks of the political campaign are getting me down. What everyone seems to miss is the point that with freedom comes an equally weighty obligation toward responsibility. I have decided that we have too many freedoms. When I am elected, I will work to do away with the following (as a minimal list):

— Telling lies in commercials, political or otherwise
— Movies where self-mutilation because of stupidity seems to be the point
— People letting their dogs crap on my front lawn
— People who think it’s OK to kill people, even if they also die in the process
— The Dell Dude
— Tailgaters

I suppose, though, that I will only be accused of taking indecent liberties.