This is from cousin Roger, though it has been kicking around the internet, recently.
SUBJECT: The whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus thing.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words, “I do.”
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT????!!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear,”You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?” Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’ll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.” We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings and a tennis bracelet. I said, “That’s fine, honey.”
Let me tell you, she was so excited. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all, dear, let’s go to the cashier”. I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT???!!!”
I then said, “Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for awhile. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am, and not for the things I buy you?”
Apparently I’m not having sex tonight, either.