Monday Through Friday in Hell

My old high school friend, Mel, sent this to us. The author of this venerable tale is not known.

One day a guy died and found himself in Hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with the Devil. The Devil asked, “Why so glum?”

The guy responded, “What do you think? I’m in Hell!”

“Hell’s not so bad,” the Devil said. “We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?”

“Sure,” the man said, “I love to drink.”

“Well you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab. and Fresca. We drink ’till we throw up and then we drink some more!”

The guy is astounded. “Damn, that sounds great.”

“You a smoker?” the Devil asked.

“You better believe it!”

“You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You’re already dead, remember.”

“Wow,” the guy said, “that’s awesome!”

The Devil continued, “I bet you like to gamble.”

“Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.”

“Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you’re dead anyhow.”

“You into drugs?”

The guy said, “Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don’t mean…”

“That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you’re dead, who cares!”

“Wow,” the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, “I never realized Hell was such a cool place!”

The Devil said, “You gay?”


“Ooooh, you’re gonna HATE Fridays!”

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