Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Medical Advice for the Older Man

Category: Adult Theme

Mell Lett sent us this tale of warning. The author is not known.


I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”

He asked, “Well, do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, or wine?”

“Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.”

Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”

I said, “No, I heard that all red meat is very unhealthy.”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf / sailing / ballooning / motorcycling / rock climbing?”

“No I don’t,” I said.

He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?”

“No,” I said. “I have never done any of those things.”

He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, “Then, why do you give a rat’s ass if you do live to be 80?”

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