Legal Leverage

Another synaptic sampling from Chris Cole.

Many folks have heard about the internationally famous arm wrestling championships regularly held in Petaluma, but there is another chap who lived in relative obscurity in a small, nameless town, yet who has a unique claim to fame nonetheless. He was the perennial arm wrestling champion year after year until one fateful day when he lost his wrestling arm in a terrible accident. This put the man into a deep depression, forlorn at the prospect of never again competing at the sport he deeply loved.

A world-class surgeon in a nearby town heard of his plight. Moved with compassion he offered to perform restorative surgery, but with an unusual twist. He reasoned that if a pig’s or baboon’s heart could so successfully be transplanted into humans, he would transplant a huge grizzly bear foreleg to our poor arm wrestling champ, giving him another chance to complete.

The surgery was a huge success and the man soon re-entered competition, soundly beating anyone who dared to challenge him. He so quickly and bruisingly dispatched his opponents that they banded together and appealed to the United States Arm Wrestling Committee, claiming that this man’s transplanted arm gave him an unfair advantage. They wanted him disqualified and barred from any further competition.

The committee’s answer was swift and brief. They noted that it would be a gross violation of this man’s civil liberties to forbid him from competing. They called particular attention to the fact that every American citizen clearly has the constitutional right to bear arms.

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