From the endlessly inventive Chris Cole.

Many a student of Shakespeare has heard Mark Antony’s funeral oration for the slain explorer Julius Caesar. Few are aware, however, of Mark’s “executive assistant”, a very buxom lady friend named Aphrodesia, who was ever at his side during public appearances. She had the habit of dressing somewhat provocatively and of being a bit flirtatious. Hence, all the red-blooded men (which, let it be said, included most of them) in the crowd often looked at Aphrodesia with more than just the usual admiration of a woman-in-power. In fact, their frequent poking of each other in the ribs, followed by coarse comments and a drooling, open-mouthed stare in her direction had begun to bother Mark’s comely companion. So much so, in fact, that after Mark Antony’s stirring aforementioned oration, Aphrodesia stepped up to the podium, raised her hands for silence and loudly proclaimed, “Friends, Romans, countrymen — end me your leers!”