Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Kissing Disease Variant

Category: Rated G

This variant of an old classic is by Bob Levi. Somehow, I didn’t have it in the collection.


Charlie goes to an infectious disease specialist, who his internist has recommended. The specialist starts taking Charlie’s history. His symptoms include swollen neck glands, difficulty swallowing, a sore throat, a low grade fever and fatigue. The doctor tells him that he could have mononucleosis, but he needs to draw some blood to make sure. A nurse takes a sample and the doctor suggests that Charlie returns in a few days to discuss the blood test results.

Upon his next visit, Charlie is told that he indeed has mono. “I’ve developed another symptom,” Charlie tells the ID specialist. “Besides the ones that I described a few days ago, I’m also farting constantly. Do you think that it could be related to my condition?” Charlie’s asks.

The doctor informed him that passing gas was an unusual indication to be associated with the disease and medical science had no name for the particular affliction.

Exasperated, Charlie replied, “That’s super, call it flatulistic mononucleosis.”

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