This is by Bob Dvorak.

Seamus walked into O’Malley’s bar one evening, as was his wont most evenings. As he pulled up his customary stool, Sean O’Malley was topping off his customary pint. But just as Sean placed the beer on the bar, a fellow climbed onto a dais behind Sean and began reciting in a Very Loud Voice:

“There shall be no fisticuffs.” “No patron shall be served more than two drinks at one time.” “No Smoking. By order of the City of New York.” “Management reserves the right…”

As the voice droned on, Seamus motioned Sean over. “What’s with the grandstanding back there?”

Sean answered, “I was watching TV the other night. There was some news thing about how business really improves when you do this. I haven’t figured out how he’s going to help me with my inventory yet, but give me a few days.”

Seamus said, “But what IS he DOING?”

Came the reply, “He’s my new Bar Code Reader.”