Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

I Stink, Therefore I Am

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Dogs

This one is from prolific creator of puns, Dave Wallace.

Even in grade school, just after graduating from Kindy, Vangelis & Becky found themselves isolated from all the “mainstream” kids, who had rejected them because they smelled just a bit “off”. Becky’s mom was a stickler for personal hygiene, making sure that Becks had at least one shower or bath each day. Vangelis, unusually for a boy, knew that he could be a little pungent after physical exercise, so took several showers a day. In spite of all the cleansing and soaping and scrubbing effort, both kids still emitted a not-so-faint, distinctive, not particularly soapy odor.

Thrown together by the herd’s rejection, they became best friends, neither noticing the others scent – Today it could all be explained with pheromone science & biochemistry and folded protein receptors and so forth, but back then it was instinktive, I suppose. So Vang & Becks were BFFs all through Elementary, Middle and High School. Of course, in High School, they started petting, and Van particularly adored Beck’s creamy (Oops, getting off-topic here)… But they loved and respected each other and stayed very close – inseparable even. Because they studied and explored the intellectual universe together, they also set the scoring curve so high that their grades were routinely set way over 100% so that at least one other student could pass each class.

Given the exaggerated emotions of high school kids, it was no surprise that many of the other “mainstream” students resented Vang’s handsomeness, Beck’s incandescent beauty and their unmatched academic scores – but mostly their solid relationship. The only thing the jealous herd could criticize the couple on was the faint but lingering olfactory signature. So they weren’t elected Homecoming King and Queen.

Now, at Graduation, a dozen years after they first met, Vangelis was absolutely proud to ask his only love Becky to the Prom – and she accepted ecstatically. However, some of the kids who remembered the stinky issues from way back were incredibly jealous of the couple and plotted to embarrass them, pulling in many students for a “prank” at the Prom.

At the Prom, the last dance – the romantic slow dance, the plotters (and most of the other students) circled Becky & Vangelis & pulled out aerosol cans of Potpourri and AireWick and Glade and other air fresheners and started spraying!

Becky, imminent tears in her eyes, turned to Vangelis, who declaimed loudly to students and faculty “Thank you everybody! This is so romantic!”

The plotters, now totally confused, nonplussed and ashamed by this unexpected response, fell back hastily from the couple.

Becky, uncomprehending, again looked to Vangelis, her lifelong love, who continued… “They’re Slaying Our Pong”

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  1. alpha

     /  October 30, 2012

    I don’t get it. What does pong mean?

  2. An unpleasant smell or stink.

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  • Welcome to the new home of Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots. At least 3057 horrible puns, shaggy dogs, groaners, and feghoots. And a couple of good ones.

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