Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


How to get to Heaven from Ireland

Category: Puns, Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

This is from Brother Tom Vickery. It has an ancient flavor to it, but it was missing from the collection.


I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven. I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?”

“NO!” the children answered.

“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the lawn, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into Heaven?”

Again, the answer was “NO!”

By now I was starting to smile. “Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven”?

Again, they all answered “NO”!

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, “Then how can I get into heaven”?

A six year-old boy shouted out: “YU’V GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD….”

It’s a curious race, the Irish.

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